Weigh to Go: Diary of a Fat Chick

Weigh-in - New Pictures & You Are Not Alone

2011-12-20T13:43:00.003-06:00

Hey y'all. People often ask me why I finally made the decision to do something about my weight. (LOL...tactful, huh?) I usually respond with something similar to the following: "I decided I didn't want to die. I have an 11 year old son who needs his mother, etc..." When it comes to these types of questions, I usually don't say the following: "I decided to quit feeling sorry for myself. I stopped making excuses for myself or looking for reasons why it wasn't possible for me to lose weight."
However, truth be told, all the above responses are accurate. Personally, I often used excuses and feeling sorry for myself to validate myself. I could always justify my behavior and weight with some excuse. I was the Queen of Denial. I was in denial that I was in effect committing suicide, albeit slow suicide, it was suicide still the same. As my mother-in-law would say I had a permanent case of "the pitifuls."

Even as I began my weight loss journey in August 2009, I suffered from depression and "the pitifuls." My eating habits were horrendous. I never ate breakfast, and normally ate a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones for lunch along with a Yoplait Light Yogurt. Doesn't sound too bad, right? More than once a co-worker made a remark similar to the following: "I really don't understand why you're not losing weight. You eat a low calorie lunch, and I never see you eat anything before or after lunchtime." Of course, I agreed. I never ate breakfast and rarely snacked between meals, so why was I consistently gaining weight? Looking back on the way I was living my life prior to August 2009, I can now clearly see what was causing my weight to climb higher and higher with every year that passed.

While it's true I never ate breakfast (at least during the week), and I ate only a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones, and a yogurt at lunchtime (at least during the week), and I never snacked between meals (at least during the week). I'm sure you can see the pattern. During the weekdays I was good, however, at night and on the weekends I ate too many things that were unhealthy for me. I lived on fast food, and I'm NOT talking about salads. I loved eating FIVE piece fried chicken tenders, accompanied by huge, "Sonic-sized" fries, and Ched 'R' Peppers, along with two Ranch sauces from Sonic. This meal contains a total of 1570 calories and 94 grams of fat. On most occasions I felt the need to add dessert to my feast, usually consisting of a large Oreo Cookie Blast with 1020 calories and 54 grams of fat or possibly a banana split with 490 calories and 18 grams of fat. Also, another favorite was a Spicy Chicken Sandwich, large fries, large original Frosty, and a Diet Dr Pepper from Wendy's. My typical meal from Wendy's contains a whopping 1650 calories and 63 grams of fat! Considering the fact I ate this way almost every day, it's no wonder I weighed 347 pounds when I began my journey. Looking back, I really have to wonder why I didn't weigh more than I did at the time, especially considering the fact I NEVER exercised. I couldn't physically. I could barely move, much less exercise. In the mornings it was all I could do to shower, put on makeup and get dressed. By the time I was finished with my morning routine, I was completely exhausted!

For years I suffered from major depression, I was depressed about my past, my present and my future. I was depressed about life in general. I had a permanent case of "the pitifuls." After watching TV shows such as "The Biggest Loser," and reading various weight loss blogs, I realized I wasn't alone. There are not many people in the world weighing 347+ pounds that haven't had some bad times in their life. Whether it's suffering due to physical or emotional abuse, the death of a loved one, financial problems, or some other difficult situation, we all have mountains to climb and hurdles to overcome. I had extremely low self-esteem, I always felt unworthy and especially unloved. Nevertheless, after a close self-examination in 2009 and some STRONG words from my family physician who repeatedly told me I was killing myself and going to die soon, I decided I wanted to live. I began by deciding to commit myself to a lifestyle change. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been totally worth all of the hard work and effort.

Here's proof of what I'm talking about:

This picture was taken in December 2008.

I have a smile on my face, but if you take a close look there's a sadness in my eyes. I was exhausted and tired all the time. I had difficulty breathing, walking, and living.

Here I am today:

These pictures were taken on Tuesday, December 20,2011.

I have a new light in my eyes, and I am loving life. I no longer feel sorry for myself for whatever real or imagined things have occupied my mind for so long. Even when things go wrong, which they often do, I can handle it without turning to food for comfort. I am happy to be alive, and happy to have another day to show my family and friends how much they mean to me. Even when I'm sick, like I have been the past two weeks, I feel a thousand times better than I did before my journey began.

What prompted this post today? I have many beloved friends suffering due to depression from various causes. Many of them are struggling to lose weight, too. While I am not advocating weight loss to be a cure-all for depression, (I know it's not because I still suffer from depression, but I can deal with it a lot more effectively now.) I am saying losing weight will change your outlook on life. It will give you self-confidence and when you feel better about yourself, you can't help but feel better about life in general. I promise each and every one of you....if I can do it, you can, too.

Now for the results of this week's weigh-in....

12/19/2011 (1.75) 154.00

I lost 1.75 pounds this week, bringing my total weight loss to 193 pounds!! I currently weigh 154! Less than 20 pounds to my goal!! WooHoo!! Yay, me!!

If someone had the nerve to tell me two years ago I would be almost 200 pounds lighter in 28 months, I would have NEVER believed them!

It is my sincere hope to inspire others out there who may be struggling to lose weight. It IS possible. You CAN be successful. I KNOW you CAN do it!!

XOXO,

Debbie

Weigh-In(s) - This is Your Life!

2011-12-16T18:15:00.001-06:00

Hey y'all. So much has been happening at our house lately, Ihaven't had time to slow down for a minute. First of all, on top ofeverything I was already involved in personally, I am now going tocollege. I took 3 classes during the fall semester for a total of 9 credit hours. I knew it would be difficult since I haven't set foot in a classroom as astudent since the early 80's, but so far I'm handling it fairlywell. I was always an "A" student in school, but this timearound I will be happy if I pass. (That's actually nottrue. I will be devastated if I don't make straight A's, and so far I'msure I won't be this time around. I just don't have the time to devote to allthe extra work involved!)

I started this post before my grades were posted.....and I made straight A's. WooHoo! That was a relief to me!

Okay, so now that I'm on break from school I am going to try to blog regularly again. My weight loss has really slowed down the past few months. I am still losing, just at a snail's pace.

Here's the scoop:

At my last published weigh in on September 12, 2011 I weighed 167.25 pounds.

9/19/2011 - 0 167.25

9/26/2011 - (1.50) 165.75

10/3/2011 - (0.25) 165.50

10/10/2011 - (0.50) 165.00

10/17/2011 - (1.00) 164.00

10/24/2011 - (1.50) 162.50

10/31/2011 - 0 162.50

11/7/2011 - (1.50) 161.00

11/14/2011 - (1.00) 160.00

11/21/2011 - (0.25) 159.75

11/28/2011 - (1.50) 158.25

12/5/2011 - (2.50) 155.75

12/12/2011 - 0 155.75

Wow! I didn't realize it had been such a long time since I updated my blog!

For those of you just finding my blog....I began my journey on August 17, 2009 with a starting weight of 347 pounds, and as of my last weigh-in on Monday I have lost a total of 191.25 pounds. My original goal was to lose 212 pounds and it is so close I can almost "taste" it. However, after I reach my goal I will continue with my current eating habits. As I have often stated, this is not just another diet to me...this is now my life. I have made a vow to myself and all of you.....I will NEVER go back.

I would like to thank each and every one of you for hanging in there with me while my life has been in turmoil! I hope I can give a little encouragement to any of you out there struggling to lose weight and get healthy. This is not The Biggest Loser, this is your life! So what if you don't lose 10 pounds a week, or 100 pounds in 6 weeks, this is real life! It has taken me over 2 years to lose 191.25 pounds, and I know I will reach my ultimate goal, and I know you can, too.

Just remember, it IS possible to lose weight and get healthy if you want it bad enough.

XOXO

Debbie

P.S. The most recent pictures of me are the ones taken in Kemah, Texas during August. I will upload those shortly. I have asked my husband to take some new ones this weekend, and will post those soon!

Weigh-In(s) - Getting Caught Up

2011-09-12T10:17:00.002-05:00

Hey y'all, I can hardly believe summer is over and we're already in the middle of September. We have been extremely busy these past few months. Summer was especially busy. We had difficulty trying to cram everything in those three short months. (Actually, A's school didn't let out until June 10th, and he had to go back on Monday, August 22nd, so my "poor" child didn't even get the usual 3 months. Believe me, I heard about it for the entire summer!)

One exciting thing I did this summer is go swimming for the first time in years. I had the chance to go swimming, and I actually went....not once, but twice this summer. (Like I said it was exciting for me, but probably traumatizing for the onlookers!) My niece happens to live in a community with a pool and water park. She invited us out for a day of fun in the sun (and water) in July. I was a little nervous about wearing a swimsuit in public. My arms, while still a little flabby, don't hold a candle to my legs! My legs are like scary white. They haven't seen daylight in years!

Oh, I tried to make myself more visually appealing to all the sun lovers out there, but I failed rather miserably in my quest to become a bronze goddess. I tried Jergen's Natural Glow in medium, and it actually worked. My legs were a little splotchy, but I did get a good base tan. However, I was getting pretty dark so after about two weeks of daily use I stopped using it. The next thing you know, my "tan" was actually peeling off in strange places. Needless to say, I haven't used this product again.

A friend of mine recommended another friend who does airbrush tanning. I have contacted her, but haven't been able to get in for an appointment. I had an appointment scheduled, but suddenly developed a mysterious dark, red, itchy rash/hives so I cancelled my appointment. I figured she would be frightened of the strange alabaster creature covered in hives standing before her.

One thing I did find out during the trip to my niece's is the fact bees apparently love me! I was sprawled out in a lounge chair by the pool soaking up some rays, when suddenly my niece let out a shriek. She said, (in a rather high pitched tone) "Debbie, be still. Don't move."

When I asked her why, she replied with a look of concern on her face, "There's a bee right under your arm." Did I mention I was on my stomach propped up with my arms which were bent at a 90° angle? She apparently had a bird's eye view of my underarm area, and had a front row seat to the show. This bee apparently loved the smell of my coconut tanning oil, with SPF 30....or perhaps that particular bee was attracted to the smell of my Secret deodorant with the baby powder scent. Either way, he was enjoying himself in the dark recesses of my armpit while I struggled to lie still. Eventually the bee moved on to a more desirable location which was a relief to both of us.....me and the bee. I hated to have him killed and I'm sure he would have hated to sting me since it would mean his demise.

Mallory and I took a quick dip in the pool to cool off while I tried to wash off some of my suntan lotion in the pool. Hey, I figured suntan lotion in a public pool was the least of the concerns in a pool filled with kids. After all, the water did seem a little warm to me that day!

Anyway, after emerging from the pool, we relocated to lounge chairs. A few minutes later Mallory hopped up. She didn't have to say a word, but I could tell by the look on her face, I attracted another bee. Eventually Mallory's husband, Alex, took care of the situation for us. Let's just say that little bee is now swimming with the fishes.

In early August my family and I had the opportunity to go to Houston for a few days. We stayed at a Hilton Hotel in Nassau Bay. Another couple and their son joined us. We had a great time. Saturday we went to Kemah, TX.

I know you're probably sitting there thinking, Kemah???? Yeah, I had never heard of it either. Anyway, there's a little town called Kemah which happened to be about 10 minutes from our hotel. This town sits right on the water, and it's like a little Coney Island. (Not that I've ever been to Coney Island, but it's what I imagine Coney Island to be like anyway!) Kemah has a boardwalk with amusement rides, concession stands, games, restaurants, and hotels. There was live music and we watched in amazement as some guy actually juggled with fire on Saturday night. What's not to love?? (Other than the fact it was like 100°!)

We also had the unique opportunity to feed and "pet" live stingrays!! The kids loved it! Who knew they could be so soft?? (The stingrays....not the kids, although the kids are soft compared to most adults I'm sure!!!)

I will post more about our trip and post some recent pictures, too, in the next few days.

Here's the results of my last weigh-ins:

08/01/11 (1.50) 172.00
08/08/11 (0.00) 172.00
08/15/11 (1.00) 171.00
08/22/11 (2.00) 169.00
08/29/11 (1.25) 167.75
09/05/11 ---------(out of town)
09/12/11 (0.50) 167.25

Wow!! I can't believe it's been such a long time since I've updated my blog. I am going to try my best to post more frequently!!

Thank you all for being patient with me, sticking with me and reading my ramblings!!

{{Hugs}}

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!!

Weigh-In - Half the Woman I Used to Be

2011-07-29T12:47:00.004-05:00

Hey y'all. Well, this week I have broken the Fat Chick cardinal rule. No, I didn't order a large pepperoni pizza and eat it all by myself....at least not recently! (Sorry, Pizza Hut! I know your business is suffering without my weekly business, but a chick's gotta do what a chick's gotta do!) This Fat Chick's cardinal rule is: "Never, ever wear sleeveless tops in public." However, rules are made to be broken and this week I have broken my rule not once, but three times!

I have so little self-confidence in my appearance that I have felt extremely uncomfortable wearing sleeveless shirts, but I've tried to ignore my feelings. I know I've lost a lot of weight, but I still feel fat! My arms are so white and flabby, I usually try to spare the masses my masses of loose, hanging skin. However, this week I finally pushed my insecurities to the back of my mind and decided it's my right to bare arms! ;-)

Here's a few pictures of me this week, baring arms:

I wore this little top on Wednesday. You can see my stretch marks, but I try not to think about them! Also, you can see I wasn't exaggerating about how white and flabby my arms are right now, but they're definitely better than they were two years ago when I began my journey!

Another picture from Wednesday's wardrobe. I was thrilled with my top. I found it at Macy's for $5.99!

This picture shows you how wide my hips and booty still are today! My doctor keeps telling me I need to emphasize the majority of my workouts on this area. Her exact words were, "I don't want you to lose any more weight on the top. It's your bottom we need to focus on now."

Note to the good doctor: I think my big booty has been the focus of everyone's attention since about the age of 5! Now matter how much weight I lose, my bottom will never be the same size as my top!

A side shot of me....I definitely need a tan!

Another side shot. I think some people have been shocked by the fact I've lost a tremendous amount of weight, started adding lots of color to my wardrobe, and have started showing more skin. As my son, A, said recently, "Who are you?"

This is what I wore today. I paid less than $12 for this little top, also from Macy's! I LOVE that store!

Another side shot featuring my bare arms!

A front view from today. My little, budding photographer, A, took all of these pictures of me this week! (Well, he's not exactly little. He's almost as tall as me!) I think he did a great job!

Now for the results of this week's weigh-in:

I lost 2.50 pounds this week!!! WooHoo!! Yay me!!! I now weigh 173.50 pounds. This week's 2.50 pound loss brings my total weight loss to 173.50 pounds. I've really lost myself!!! As the title of this post emphasizes, I'm half the woman I used to be.....literally!!!

Who would have ever believed when I started my journey on August 17, 2009, weighing 347 pounds, that in less than 2 years I could/would be half my size? Not me, that's for sure!

I look at pictures taken of me prior to beginning my journey and compare them to pictures of me from today, and I still can't believe this is me.

Almost daily, my mind echo's A's words to me, "Who are you?"

The answer to this burning question is I'm really not sure who I am right now. I've been buried beneath so many layers of fat my entire life, that I have never really had the opportunity to find myself.

I think I used my weight as a protective barrier from the world, and now that it is breaking down pound by pound I feel exposed. It's both scary and exciting! Every day I find myself wondering who I am because I feel completely different about myself since beginning my journey. I not only look totally different, but I feel totally different, not only about myself, but about life in general. I'm tired of living full of fear! As I continue discovering myself, I refuse to let my insecurities and fear stop me from living and enjoying my life!!

It seems the more I expose myself to the world, the more I discover about myself. I feel my old clouds of depression and fear slowly lifting, as if a dark veil is lifted from around my face and head. Although I'm still not completely sure who I am, I plan to enjoy every minute of my self-discovery!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!!!

Weigh-In Rollercoaster

2011-07-23T21:35:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! Well, another quarter end close has come and gone. I have been working almost non stop it seems. We finally wrapped everything up this week, thank goodness. It usually takes me a few days to recover and this close was no exception. Now that it's over, things should settle back down for me.

My weight has been a little like a rollercoaster ride lately. I haven't had much success on the scales this month. I'm not sure if it's due to a lack of sleep, water, exercise or from stress, but it's been a bad month.

Here's my results for the past few weeks:

July 4th - 175.50 <3.00>
July 11th - 177.00 +1.50
July 18th - 176.00 <1.00>

So, as you can see I'm still not back down to where I was a couple of weeks ago. However, I promise I haven't veered from my eating plan. Although frustrated with my up & down weight, I refuse to give up. I know I will eventually make it to my goal; it may just take me a little longer than I had hoped.

If I have learned anything from this journey, it's this, a little bump in the road cannot be allowed to derail the train. You may have to take a detour along the way, but you should be determined to get back on track!

I hope to have a better weigh-in this Monday! I'll keep you posted!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

New Pictures & I'd Like to Thank All of the Little People

2011-06-30T13:33:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. Well, who would have ever thought someone would call me a beauty queen or princess? Not me that's for sure!! However, this past weekend that's exactly what happened. Let me explain.

This past weekend I had the honor and privilege to sit directly behind some people from Rockwall, Texas. It was during lunch and I had just finished eating. I was putting on lipstick and touching up my powder when I noticed the woman sitting directly in front of me looking at me. I really didn't think too much about it at the time.

However, later during lunch I saw this same woman waving what I refer to as the royal, beauty queen wave (You know the one I'm referring to....waving, turning your hand slowly from side to side and it looks like you are screwing in a light bulb.) to the woman sitting in front of her. The woman in front of her was laughing all the while saying, "Would you please stop it?" However, the woman in front of me just kept waving the royal, beauty queen wave. The woman in front of her was still laughing.

I was sitting there watching all of this wondering what in the world was going on, and whom were they talking about. I didn't have to wait too long for the answer.

Two rows down from me, next to the woman who was laughing and saying "Would you please stop it?" there was another woman seated two chairs over. This third woman looked at the one seated two chairs over and asked, "What's so funny?" The second woman began to fill in the third woman as to why their friend continually waved the royal, beauty queen wave. The third woman then asked, "Who is she talking about?"

Viola! I had my answer!

The second woman turned to the third and said, "She's talking about the lady sitting behind her."

First of all, I have to say I thought to myself surely they can't be talking about me. So, I naturally turned my head to look behind me. However, there was not another woman anywhere in the vicinity.

HELLO! It was ME!! I was the Princess/Beauty Queen!!

I have to admit, for a split second my temper flared. (I must confess, I indirectly let them know I was aware they were talking about me. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but when one of the women sitting two rows down from me turned around, I waved at her with my best royal, Beauty Queen wave! She immediately looked like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar and turned around so fast she stirred a small breeze! For a minute, I thought her head was going to spin in a complete circle! I also said in a rather loud tone of voice to my son, "I would like to thank all of the little people who made this possible!" I was wishing I had a tiara because I would have gladly put it on my head!) I thought how dare they talk about me like that. They don't know me and have no right to judge me. My son, who happened to be sitting directly beside me, got really upset. He said, "That's not very nice. They shouldn't be talking about you like that." He was ready to get their names, find out where they were from, (I found out later they were from Rockwall, Texas. I eventually asked the woman doing the wave!) and tell them to stop being rude to his mother.

Just as soon as those words left his mouth, I laughed. He said, "What's so funny?"

I told him, "Actually, they are kind of right about me".

He was still visibly upset. He then said, "Making fun of people is not nice, and someone needs to tell them to stop being mean to you."

I never realized how protective little boys could be of their mothers until now! (Thanks, baby for standing up for me!!) I told him not to be upset by their lack of maturity because I wasn't upset at all.

After my initial reaction of anger subsided, I actually found it quite humorous. Here I sat, a former (almost former, at least) fat chick, amidst all these other women, the majority of whom have probably been thin all of their lives and they are calling me a Princess/Beauty Queen! I've even been a little jealous of women like them at one time or another in my life!

You have to admit, it is pretty funny, not because they were being cruel or unkind, but because of the irony of the situation. I have never had much self-esteem, and have NEVER felt good about the way I look, even after losing weight. Yet, THESE women were calling ME a Princess/Beauty Queen.

They had no idea I have lost 170 pounds. For all they know, I've always looked like I do now. That's what I loved about it. Here these little people (One was about my size, the other two were a little larger.) sat, not knowing a thing in the world about me, except to assume I thought I was a Princess/Beauty Queen!!

I again told A, "They are kind of right about me. I've just lost 170 pounds, and I'm proud of my accomplishment and the way I look for once in my life. If that makes people think I act like a Princess/Beauty Queen that's okay with me"

Actually, I NEVER leave the house without my makeup and hair done. Even when I weighed 347 pounds I cared about the way I looked, especially in public. There have been very few people outside of my immediate family who have ever really seen me au naturel. I'm not an outdoorsy kind of chick. I do like to hike, but I don't like to get dirty. I don't like to sweat. I love shopping!!! Shoes, clothes, jewelry, handbags and of course make-up. You name it, I probably like to buy it!! If that makes me appear like a Princess/Beauty Queen that's fine with me. I like to think my momma raised me right!

On another subject:

This past weekend was wonderful in more ways than one. I had gone shopping (surprise, surprise) with A on Thursday, and bought some new clothes. I was able to get into size 12!!! I couldn't believe it. I started out trying on size 14 clothes and they were all loose on me!! I ended up getting 3 new dresses, all size 12, and on sale! I also picked up a pair of size 12 jeans for $14. The jeans are a little snug, but they zip without sucking it all in, so that's fine with me!

Also, this weekend I fit comfortably in the chairs at the convention center. Just two years ago I was squeezed in them like this:

Wow! What a difference 46 months makes! J was going to take a picture to show me sitting in those same chairs, but never got around to it!

Any way, that was me less than 2 years ago!

In April I promised to post more recent pictures of myself, so, here they are finally!

I NEVER go sleeveless!

My arms are so fat and white I don't want to overexpose anyone, but I decided to bare arms for the camera that night.

Then there were these:

The first pair of high heels I've worn in years!!!!

Here's a pic of A and me right before our shopping excursion last Thursday. We had a wonderful time together!

Here I am today...or this past Friday to be more specific with J and A at the Ft. Worth Water Gardens!

On Friday, J, A, and I walked over to the Ft. Worth Water Gardens. (Yes, you read that right...I walked down the street to the Water Gardens! Not only was I at the convention and comfortable for once, I actually got up and walked around before, after and during every intermission!)

As you can see, I not only walked over to the Water Gardens, but I actually walked down into them! I was a little scared! I haven't made that trip for years. I'm afraid of heights and the feeling of looking down, watching your step surrounded by all of that rushing water made me a little nervous, but I did it, with a little help!

(I will post more pictures of our trip to the Water Gardens tomorrow.)

Here's a picture taken on Sunday with my friend, Lorna. I've known Lorna since we were kids. She's a sweet and beautiful friend! She's like a sister to me!

Here's a picture taken on Sunday of my little sister, Regina, and me.

Here's one with Regina, A and me taken on Sunday.

In this last picture, also from Sunday, is my friend Charlotte, Regina and me.

I promise to be better at posting pictures. I should have my picture taken much more frequently, especially since I am a Princess/Beauty Queen and all!

The moral of this story is....don't try to insult me, because I'll probably take it as a compliment! (and you'll end up in my blog!!)

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Weigh-In - Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

2011-06-28T12:56:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. Remember the saying "When it rains, it pours"? Well, that certainly is true in our house. Literally!

All was quiet when we went to bed last Monday evening. I was actually sleeping soundly for once, but suddenly the heavens opened up and unleashed a furious storm. There was ferocious lightening, loud thunder and lots of hail. It sounded as if someone was standing outside of the house throwing baseballs at our windows.

The power kept going on and off which in turn kept setting the burglar alarm off. I'm not sure how many trips J made downstairs to reset the alarm! It was driving our poor dog absolutely crazy. He's not a big fan of loud noises any way, but he was exceptionally jumpy on Monday night.

Finally we settled down back in bed when the worst part of the storm passed us. It was pouring rain, but the light show had abated. I'm just on the verge of falling back asleep when I suddenly heard water running. It sounded as if someone had stepped into our bathroom shower. I got up to see which faucet was left on, but when I reached the doorway to our bathroom, water started running down my head and face. Remember the song "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head"? Well, I had a torrential downpour falling on mine!

I turned on the light and water was literally pouring from our bathroom ceiling! It was leaking in at least two places. J got up to get buckets to set under the leaks, and eventually I was able to get some sleep.

Now we're trying to get our roof fixed. Our deductible is higher than I thought which is aggravating, so it may be awhile before it's fixed. I know most people are praying for rain, but I'm praying it doesn't.....at least until our roof is fixed! :-)

I will have some pictures for you tomorrow! I know how excited you must be at that idea! I even took one of A and me on Thursday before we did our errands. I called it our mommy & son day, although he thinks he's too old to call me mommy anymore!

I drug my 11 year old son around with me on Thursday, and we hit all of his "favorite" spots....the mall and the grocery store! I have to confess this is the first time in his life we have hung out together. Oh, there have been times I've been home from work with him, or we may have made a trip to the grocery store together. But, as far as I can recall this is the first time in his 11 years we have actually spent the day together outside of our house running errands!!

I also took some pictures this past weekend at our District Convention in Ft. Worth. I promise to post all of those tomorrow!

You know how I'm always emphasizing the need to drink lots of water? Well, I should listen to my own advice! I was doing wonderfully well at the beginning of last week. A few days I drank 120 ounces of water! Then beginning on Thursday I suddenly stopped! I drank Diet Dr Pepper all day Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday! I knew it was a mistake to drink only diet drinks, but did I listen to that little inner voice telling me to drink my H20? Absolutely....NOT! Even when we packed out lunch for the convention I packed only Diet Dr Pepper.

When we got home on Sunday afternoon, I knew I had a problem. When I took my shoes off my feet were hurting and tingling. I sat down and propped them up. When I looked down I was shocked. My feet weren't as swollen as they used to be when I weighed 347 pounds and never took a sip of water, but they were BAD! They were puffy and squishy! I told my hubby right then and there I knew there was a weight gain in my future! I was right!

Here's the results of my weigh-in for this week:

6/27/11 - 178.50 +1.50

So, I gained 1.5 pounds this week! I know it's not from eating too much while we were at the convention. We actually drove back and forth each day, so I was able to control what I ate. I also got a lot of exercise during those three days. I walked up and down stairs many times and even walked over to the Ft. Worth Water Gardens. The gain has to be a result of not drinking any water for four days!

When you know what you're supposed to do, but refuse to do it anyway, that is a setup for automatic failure! Although I was still on vacation on Monday, I did make sure to drink 96 ounces of water. Today I'm going to make it, too. It's not even 1:00 yet and I've already swallowed about 40 ounces! I have to just keep chugging away!

I guess the motto of this story is I should take my own advice!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

Weekly Weigh-In - Reality TV Focus on Weight Loss

2011-06-20T16:40:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! Well, it's hard for me to imagine summer arrives tomorrow, especially since the temperature was 104° on Saturday! What will it be like when summer officially arrives???? A friend of mine told me it was so hot on Saturday she saw fried worms on the sidewalk in a nearby town!! (One of the items on my list of things to NEVER eat!)

I have been doing much better this week! I drank a minimum of 96 ounces of water everyday last week...including Saturday and Sunday! I had been notoriously slipping back into my Diet Dr Pepper habit on the weekends, but "forced" myself to drink water this weekend. I'm proud to say I did it!! A couple of days during the past week I actually drank 120 ounces of H20! I drink like a fish!

Drinking all of that water paid off when I stood to face the judge (scales) this morning. I held my breath as I stepped gingerly on them. I always hold my breath when I step up on them as if not breathing will make me weigh less!

Here's the results of this week's weigh in:

6/20/2011 - 177.00 (1.25)

I lost another 1.25 pounds this week!!! This brings my total weight loss to 170 pounds!! I now weigh 177 pounds!! Only 42 pounds to lose to reach my original goal! Also, when I lose an additional 3 1/2 pounds I will have lost exactly 173.50 pounds and at that time I will weigh 173.50 pounds. You will truthfully be able to say I'm not half the woman I used to be!

One of the things I've learned on this journey is the fact this has to be my way of life if the results are to be permanent. There are so many fad diets and diet plans to choose from it can be overwhelming, especially in the beginning. We are constantly bombarded with advertising for the latest diet aides and beauty products. I wish it were true rubbing something on my face could take years off of me! Just remember, if anything sounds too good to be true, it probably is!

Any of you who have been reading my ramblings for awhile know I'm a big fan of The Biggest Loser. While I know their methods may not be approved by all, I found the show to be greatly motivating and encouraging to me. I finally realized after several seasons of watching contestants sweat, cry, and even puke because of pushing themselves to the limit, if they could do it, so could I. Although I have to admit, I have yet to push myself to the point of hurling.

In the beginning I sat on the couch, feet propped up, watching the show while gorging myself on whatever fast food happened to be on the menu at Casa de Debbie that evening. A favorite was barbeque!! Oh, I cried with them and shared in their joys and triumphs, cheering them on from the sidelines. However, I soon realized I should put the remote down, get up and take action.

Did I have all of the answers? No, and I still don't. I did know it was impossible for me to dedicate 6 hours per day to exercise like TBL contestants. Nevertheless, I realized the importance of moving. Before I began my weight loss journey I could barely breathe, much less move.

The latest reality show dedicated to helping the morbidly obese is "Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition". Someone asked me the other day if I had the opportunity to watch this show, yet. Actually, I have the DVR set to record it every week. It's really funny because if anyone had asked me this question a few years ago I would have firmly said "NO!" I used to be opposed to spending my time watching "reality" television. Like I said, it's funny how time changes a person. I still don't watch an overabundance of reality television, but this show is one I do regularly watch.

One of the main differences between "Extreme Makeover" and "The Biggest Loser" is the fact the contestants make the entire transformation at home over the course of one year! I really like the fact they are at home, not secluded away from reality.

The first week of their journey is spent at the California Health and Longevity Institute. There the participants undergo medical testing, get lessons in nutrition and participate in their first workout. A recipe makeover introduces the participants to healthier versions of some of their favorite unhealthy recipes. After a week in the O.C., they arrive back home where a home gym has been set up for them. For the first three months of their journey, Fitness Expert and Transformation Specialist, Chris Powell, moves into the participant's home. After the first 3 months, Chris moves out and leaves them to continue working toward their goals. He checks in with them every 3 months for a weigh-in and progress updates.

I don't like the fact this show doesn't really disclose anything about the workout routines they follow. It also doesn't show much about the nutritional aspect of what they are eating. I think it would be wonderful for them to focus more attention on what it really takes to lose weight and get healthy. Exercise and nutrition are two key components of losing weight and keeping it off!

I do believe "Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition" is more realistic than "The Biggest Loser" and I will definitely continue to watch. However, I will always be partial to "The Biggest Loser" since they did inspire me to do something about my weight.

On a side note, I will faithfully continue to watch TBL, but I sure will miss Jillian!! There's just something about the petite, she-demon I've grown to love!!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

Are We Really Ready to Get Healthy?

2011-06-17T14:45:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all. Well, it's finally Friday!! Yay!! I have so many things to do this weekend, and resting is not one of them. It's been an extremely long week and I've not been in a terrific mood the past two days, so I welcome the break. I'm looking forward to concentrating on the things in life which make me the happiest this weekend!

On another note, yesterday's post mentioned several of the cookbooks I have collected. I forgot to mention one of my favorites. I have every one of Lisa Lillien aka Hungry Girl's cookbooks. My love of Hungry Girl started after one of my co-worker's gave me a copy of one of HG's cookbooks. I read through it and found lots of recipes I thought my husband and son would enjoy. The next thing you know I had all of the HG cookbooks. I then subscribed to her daily emails, began recording her TV show on the Cooking Channel, following her on Twitter and became a fan on Facebook. Can you say stalker? I told you I LOVE Hungry Girl! Here's a link to her site: http://www.hungry-girl.com/

On another website featuring fat chicks there has been some debate about the healthiness of Hungry Girl's recipes. However, in this fat chick's opinion (for what it's worth) I think Hungry Girl is terrific.  She does use a lot of processed foods, and artificial sweeteners. Also, her daily emails are filled with promotions for various products, mostly highly processed foods.

I love her anyway. Why? Well, when I weighed 347 pounds I wasn't eating anything even remotely resembling healthy foods. Let's face it, I wasn't eating anything low calorie. Even when I went to Subway, I frequently ate a foot long Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sub, with 2 (yes, TWO) bags of regular chips. The sub alone has 760 calories.  I usually polished this off with 2-3 cookies. In one meal I was eating more than I eat now in an entire day! Complete craziness!

People like Hungry Girl provided this fat chick with some alternative lower calorie food choices. I know myself and honestly do not believe I would have ever stuck to my eating plan without these options. If I felt deprived or cheated out of all the comfort foods I have depended on over the years, I knew I could never make this a permanent way of life. I like having options, including healthy and some not so healthy choices. Hungry Girl provides lots of choices. Usually I am able to look at a recipe and decide right away whether my family will like it or not. My instincts are usually spot on, although occasionally I am surprised.

Am I suggesting Hungry Girl provides all of the answers to your weight loss problems? Absolutely....NOT! As with anything else in life, everything should be done in moderation. A lesson I learned almost too late!

Although many people in blog sphere wholeheartedly embrace healthy eating, apparently the rest of America is still on the fence. Consider the NBC TV show, "America's Next Great Restaurant". Soul Daddy was the winner. Originally my family thought the concept was terrific and the food looked great. (Who wouldn't like fried chicken and waffles?) Jamawn Woods, the person behind Soul Daddy's, originally was serving authentic soul food and my family was wishing for smell-a-vision or scratch n sniff TV. That was until Chef Curtis Stone, started pushing a healthier version of his menu. I was disappointed in the fact they didn't offer varying options of the same type of foods. For instance, why not offer fried chicken AND baked chicken. I think they would have had greater success! (Of course, they didn't ask my opinion!)

By the time the finale aired, Jamawn had ditched the fried chicken for baked chicken, and seasoning the collard greens with turkey instead of bacon. (I don't think that even qualifies as authentic soul food!) Chef Bobby Flay was visibly disappointed when he realized fried chicken was no longer on the menu! (Yay Bobby!) Anyway, Jamawn and his Soul Daddy concept won the competition. He opened three locations across the nation, New York, Minneapolis and LA.

Listen up Curtis:  Although the entire country needs it, apparently we're just not all ready for healthier versions of our favorite foods. This is evidenced by the fact that after just one month in business, Soul Daddy has closed both it's New York and LA locations! http://www.tvguide.com/News/Soul-Daddy-Closes-1034267.aspx. What a shame!! I wonder if he had gone ahead with his original menu if the outcome might have been different. I guess we'll never know for sure.

The only thing I learned from the show is Steve Ells (one of the investors) is the founder of Chipotle's. I think this factoid was mentioned in every single episode. In one breath they said they were not looking for the next Chipotle's, however they kept comparing all the other restaurant concepts to it. (By the way, America's Next Great Restaurant has been cancelled, too, after just one season!)

I believe it's important for each one of us to examine ourselves. Look closely at our habits, likes and dislikes. Research all of the available weight loss plans and make your decision based on what you believe will work for you. When it comes to losing weight there's not a one size fits all! Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion, but in the end you have to do what you believe is right for you. You may listen to advice of others, but ultimately you're the one responsible for your success or failure!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

Key to My Success

2011-06-16T13:38:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! During the course of my weight loss journey, I have had numerous people look to me for guidance and support. Often I'm asked the question, "What is the secret to your success?" I wish I had a real answer for them. But, unfortunately I really don't have the secret to my success. There is nothing magical or miraculous to help you lose weight and keep it off.

Just yesterday someone I know approached me asking for help and guidance. This person had weight loss surgery several years ago and lost 100 pounds. However, due to stress factors and some health issues has managed to put the majority of this weight right back on. She was looking to me for help, and I willingly offered her the only meager advice I had at the time.

This kind of goes along with my post from yesterday, but this is what I told her:

1) Make a firm resolve and be determined you will successfully lose this weight and keep it off.

2) Do some research, decide on an eating plan and then follow through on it.  Weigh and measure everything!! Also, I suggest you read up on portion sizes to help you figure out how much you should be eating.

3) Put everything in writing. What you ate, how you felt, etc...

After she asked me what type of eating plan I was following, and I told her I ate no more than 1,200 calories per day. (Per my doctor's instructions.) She asked me how I was able to count the calories in everything I ate.

Now, I know some of you out there will cringe at this, but here's the truth of the matter. I was completely confused, and more than a little overwhelmed at the beginning of my journey. I knew how to count calories, after all I was the self-proclaimed Queen of Dieting. However, I knew if I was going to be successful in the beginning I had to take the easy road, so I did. I needed convenience without the added costs of meetings or weight loss counselors. So, I ate only pre-packaged foods when I first began my journey.

Okay, I can hear all the naysayers, and negative comments. "But Debbie, how could you eat that junk? Those prepackaged foods are so full of sodium, preservatives, chemicals, yada, yada, yada."

I get it and I totally agree, most prepackaged foods are not healthy. However unhealthy those prepackaged foods are for you, which is worse, eating prepackaged foods or weighing 347 pounds?

I knew if I didn't take the "easy" way out, I was never going to successfully lose weight. I was in effect accepting my death sentence. Those of you who have read my blog for awhile know how extremely sick I was when I first began my journey in August 2009. My blood pressure was totally and completely out of control. I had high cholesterol, I was having breathing problems and gasping for air after little or no exertion. Not to be blunt, but I will be anyway, I was also bleeding from places I ought not. Although these last two can't kill you, they can make your life miserable. I had been diagnosed with early signs of Macular Degeneration. In addition, I was having major problems with my knees.

I never felt I was lazy, but I felt terrible 24/7. I never woke up in the morning saying I felt great or even thought the day was going to be great. It was extremely difficult for me to do the smallest of things, things we all take for granted on a daily basis. For instance, I would have to sit on the bed after showering in the morning, because I felt worn out, just from showering. Walking up the stairs in our home just about killed me, literally. During the last few months before my journey began I would often find myself gasping for breath. I was hyperventilating just from the short walk up the stairs in our home. I lost my breath from crying or getting upset, too.

I was not only at death's door, but I had my hand on the handle, and it was turning!  I think the frequency of the breathing issues is one of the things that finally made me wake up and realize I was going to die sooner rather than later. I didn't love myself enough to take action, but the thought of leaving behind my husband and our little boy just about ripped my heart out. I kept thinking about how they would fare without me.....someone has to keep them in line, after all.

After carefully considering all of my options, which included talking to my doctor, reading everything I could get my hands on regarding weight loss, and talking to a local hospital about gastric bypass surgery, I put my plan in motion.

I have nothing against anyone who decides on weight loss surgery. However, I knew it wasn't for me. For one thing, even with my health insurance we couldn't afford it. Also, I have known several people who have successfully lost weight after having the surgery only to regain it all back. I am an expert at losing and regaining weight and didn't see the need to pay $10,000+ to make that happen.

I knew diet pills were not the answer. Again, nothing against those that choose that road, but they were not for me. Been there, done that. I lost weight as long as I took the pills, but immediately gained it all back when I stopped.

For me, I had to find a solution which took little or no effort. I had tried Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig. Both programs were expensive and I wasn't really happy with the food. I was actually sick the entire three months I was on Jenny Craig. My stomach did not agree with something in their food.

I finally decided I could make my own weight loss plan up along the same lines as Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig. I sent my husband to the store, (You see, for years I was unable to go shopping. I would get winded and have panic attacks in the store. Thank goodness he is such a sweet, kind hearted man! He still does a lot of the grocery shopping. He says he likes it, but I actually go with him more often now!)   I told him my idea and he was happy to pick up everything to get me started.

In the beginning my diet consisted of a Weight Watcher's Smart Ones, or Lean Cuisine for breakfast. At lunchtime, I ate another Smart Ones or Lean Cuisine, along with a non fat yogurt. For dinner, I would eat anything as long as I knew the calorie content. I ate lots of Smart Ones and Lean Cuisines. I also frequently ate at Subway or any other place with the nutritional information available.

I kept a daily log of all of the food and calories I ate in the day. I also logged all of the water I drank. The water was a big issue for me, since for years I drank only Diet Dr Pepper or iced tea sweetened with Sweet 'N Low. I found putting a little Crystal Light in my water to be my salvation!

I was determined to do whatever it took to be successful!!!

After losing my first 75 pounds, I knew prepackaged food was not the permanant solution to my weight issues. After all, I knew I wouldn't be able to eat those and only those for the rest of my life. I knew I had to find a permanant solution, if I was going to keep the weight off successfully.

I slowly started collecting cookbooks featuring low calorie recipes with the posted nutritional information. Some of the ones I've purchased include Weight Watchers, The Biggest Loser, Cooking Light and Taste of Home. At first I was a little intimidated to interfere with my success, and I sat pouring over them for hours on end. Thinking about it, but not actually doing it. I knew I had to re-teach myself how to cook in a more healthy, low calorie manner if I was going to successfully keep my weight off this time.

Eventually, I started trying one recipe at a time. Believe it or not, some of those cookbooks have some pretty tasty dishes in them. Even my son likes the majority of them, and he's not easy to please when it comes to food. He's my worst critic. He knows what he likes and how he likes it! He's honest and will happily tell me if something didn't work for him!

I occassionally eat things even if I don't know the calorie content. However, when I do I try to use good judgement and exercise portion control. Who knew a half cup of cooked pasta was a serving?? Actually, that's just enough to make me mad!! In the old days I ate a heaping plateful of cooked pasta in one sitting and had no clue what the serving size was supposed to be, and I usually went back for seconds.

Well, I hope this will help any of you still struggling, looking for the key to being successful!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

Weekly Weigh-In - Fear Factor

2011-06-14T13:38:00.003-05:00

Hey y'all! I have been completely overwhelmed by the amount of support I received after last week's post. I would like to thank all of you for your continued encouragement and support.

I realize this is a way of life instead of just another diet, and I may backslide or suffer from momentary doubts, but I refuse to give up on the fight of my life!! I will win the war!!!

When I look around my surroundings I see all sorts of people suffering from various types of addiction. For me, it's food, for others it may be drugs or alcohol. I don't believe I was born with a food addiction, but became an addict due to genetics and lots of bad habits which became deeply ingrained over the years.

A couple of quotations regarding habits I like to keep in mind are:

"The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken."
~ Samuel Johnson ~

"Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity." ~ St. Augustine

On my journey I have learned quite a bit about changing habits. I've learned not only what to do, but also through my failures what NOT to do. I think failure is just about as important as success when learning to change one's habits. I'll admit it, changing habits, especially those deeply ingrained habits, is extremely difficult. Let's face it, we all experience failure and backslide from time to time. However, one of the most important lessons I've learned through all of this is to NEVER give up. Whether you experience a slight backslide, or plunge headfirst off a cliff right back into your old habits, you can recover from the free fall which has become your life. You must get re-focused, figure out what went wrong and why, and figure out a plan of action so you can successfully overcome these obstacles next time.

One of the first things I did when I began my journey was make my mind up and firmly resolve to lose weight. I found a determination I didn't even know I had deep down inside of me. I knew I was headed on the road to the morgue if I didn't take action soon. That is not an exaggeration. My doctor was repeatedly telling me I was going to die, sooner rather than later. However, I waited until I started having breathing problems, gasping for breath from walking before I found that determination. I think it had been buried for years beneath piles of fear.

Fear can be a paralyzing factor in our lives. If we give fear the power it so desperately craves, it can completely take over our lives. For years, I have been afraid. Of what, you ask? Well, to be honest, I have been afraid of just about every thing imaginable. Some of my fears include(d): fear of failure, fear of success, fear of change, fear of an unhappy marriage, and a fear of not finding a marriage mate.

Total and complete craziness I know. I was afraid of being in an unhappy marriage, so I ate myself to 220 pounds by the time I was a senior in high school. On the other hand, I was afraid of being alone and not finding someone to love, but refused to take the necessary steps to lose weight. I was afraid of success and afraid of failure. I was afraid I wasn't good enough, deserving enough, smart enough, pretty enough.....the list goes on and on. Makes no sense I know. Oh, I'm sure there's some psychologist out there just waiting to analyze me and I could fill up an entire book on the subject, but I will spare you for now.

I still feel those same old feelings of fear creeping back up on occasion. However, I've learned to recognize the symptoms and most of the triggers for me. I have been able to squash these feelings instead of letting them control my life. I've learned a few things along this journey which helps me put those old feelings of fear, and doubt back into their place.

If you are struggling to stay on track here's a few things that have helped me:

1) Get re-focused. You don't want to lose the determination, motivation and drive you had at first. Getting back to the basics will help you regain focus! Also, reading blogs or writings from others who know what it's like to be in your shoes. There's a huge (no pun intended) network of people out there experiencing the same struggles as you. Look for help where ever you can find it and readily accept it!

2) Put your goals in writing. Include a start date, a target end date and what you want to accomplish during that time. I have always loved setting mini-goals for myself. I had such a large amount of weight to lose, it was overwhelming to think about it. The mini-goals I have set are always 10% of my weight at the time the goal is set. For instance, I began my journey at 347 pounds. My first mini-goal was to lose 35 pounds, with a 90 day target date. When I reached my first mini-goal, I weighed 312 pounds and immediately set another 10% mini-goal of 31 pounds, and so on. Thinking in small increments doesn't lesson the amount of weight you have to lose, but will make it seem more readily achievable.

3) Holding yourself accountable is an important factor in being successful. The first thing I did was start this blog. I have to confess, I had no clue what was involved. However, I talked to a few friends who provided me with some guidance, and took the leap into blogland. Telling the world you are going to do something gives you a little extra determination. Tell it ALL....the good, bad and ugly of your journey.

4) Figuring out your triggers and putting a plan of action into place to help you deal with them. If you don't know what triggers your binging episodes, write down EVERYTHING....what you ate, how you felt, issues at work, home, etc. This will help you to overcome the temporary insanity which could cause the old habits to creep back up and derail your progress.

5) Be consistent. This is an all important factor, and I do still struggle with this one from time to time. Not too often with what I eat or why I eat, but with my writing. After awhile I feel like I'm in a rut, spinning my wheels, but going nowhere. However, I do believe being consistent is key to permanent success!

I hope some of this will help you as it has helped me on my journey of a lifetime!!

Now for this week's weigh-in results:

6/13/11 - 178.25 (2.75)

I lost another 2.75 pounds this week, bringing my total weight loss to 168.75 pounds!! WooHoo!! Only 43.25 pounds until I reach my original final goal!!! Completely UNBELIEVABLE to me!!!

When I reach my original final goal, my journey will not be over! It will actually only be beginning. The real battle will begin when I reach maintenance. This is my life, and I'm happy to be alive to share my journey with you!!! I hope you continue to find inspiration through my words!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!!

Weigh-In Results - Scared to Death

2011-06-06T12:13:00.003-05:00

Hey y'all. Recently there have been many people looking to me for guidance and encouragement in their own weight loss journeys. However, I have to confess I still need help myself. Just when I think I'm invincible, on the right track and know everything I need to know, I find myself stumbling in the dark looking for the way back into the light.

Recently I have been struggling to remain focused in my life. It has been going on for awhile now, since at least the first of the year, but has been especially bad since April. I think it started around year end with all of the crazy hours I was working. Then in April, I found myself at work back in quarter end close, extremely busy and involved in many other activities. By the first of May, I felt mentally and physically exhausted. Although I religiously stayed within my calorie limit of 1,200 calories per day, I slowly began self-sabotaging my efforts. I found myself not drinking water regularly and not exercising much if at all. Also, I have been struggling with some health issues the past several weeks. I have been getting very little sleep at night. For instance, I didn't go to bed until 2:00am this morning and was awake by 6:00am. To make matters worse, I found myself blogging less and less until I have all but stopped blogging entirely.

The direction I have been heading is scary to me. Why? I have been down this dark road many times before. As many of you know, I have been overweight my entire life. Well, that's not entirely true. I lost 167 pounds for one millisecond back in the mid 1990's. I actually got down to 125 pounds by drinking Slim Fast and eating a "sensible" dinner. I stayed at my goal weight less than 6 months. Then in 2001 I got down to 179. That time I took diet pills prescribed by my local drug dealer....uh....I mean doctor. I took Phentermine, aka Adipex-P, ate 800-1,200 calories per day and lost 141 pounds. However, we were struggling financially and I convinced myself and my husband we could no longer afford my diet pills. I had just reached 179 pounds, but as soon as I stopped taking my pills I immediately gained all the weight back, plus I gained an additional 27 pounds just because I could.

Over Memorial Day weekend, I went "home" to Waco for the first time since August of last year. It was wonderful to see my family, but soon I began giving in to my old lifelong habits of self-destruction. As soon as I arrived, I realized it was going to be difficult to stay on track. I should have immediately made a beeline for the store, but opted instead to use old fashioned portion control and self-control! HA!! That lasted approximately 24 hours upon arrival on my native soil.

Friends joined us for dinner at my sister's house on Saturday night. We had brisket, ribs, chicken wings, potato salad, cheesy potato casserole, deviled eggs, coleslaw, beans, bread, salad, Spanish rice, red velvet cake, chocolate cake, cookies, and Dirt. (No, I do not have Pica! For those of you wondering, Dirt is a simple to make, wonderful to eat dessert made with Oreo Cookies, cream cheese, Cool Whip, pudding, etc.) I thought long and hard about what I was going to eat that night, and then I decided I would eat....just a little.

Actually, I feel pretty good about what I ate on Saturday night. I ate a small amount of brisket without barbecue sauce, one spoonful of potato salad, and one spoonful of coleslaw. I ate one half of a deviled egg, one spoonful of Spanish rice, salad with fat free dressing, and two spoonfuls of pinto beans. For dessert I ate a Yoplait Light Yogurt.

However, late Saturday night after everyone went home, my sister's Pomeranian puppy got sick. Now this was no ordinary puppy to us. My sister had him for 16 years. The puppy had been ill for awhile, but he got really sick on Saturday night. She was up most of the night with him. He passed away on Sunday evening. We were all devastated. I've known the puppy almost as long as I've known my husband, except I've never been bitten by my husband....well, at least not that I'm admitting. I was extremely sad and a little mad to tell you the truth. I know the puppy lived to a good, long age in puppy years, but I'm so sick and tired of all of the sadness in my family I guess I decided to punish myself.

Suddenly, Sunday night I found myself overeating everything I could get my hands on. I went back and ate TONS of brisket, potato salad, cheesy potatoes, coleslaw, one roll, beans, rice, two pieces of cake, and three cookies. The funny thing to me is the food, although it tasted wonderfully, I really didn't even want it. I ate it because it was there and I literally ate until I felt sick. I paid for it, too. I felt sick all night Sunday night, all day Monday, and most of the day on Tuesday. One good thing, I was able to get right back on track with my plan on Monday.

I have been searching high and low for the solution to my problem. As made evident by my last post, I even thought changing the direction of my blog would bring some focus back to my life. Nothing I tried seemed to reignite the passion I had in the beginning for my new way of life or my blog. I have felt myself slipping slowy back into the darkness. This scares the life out of me! I do NOT want to go back to where I was when I first began my journey.

Suddenly this morning a light bulb went off in my head! I finally realized the answer to my problem lies within myself. I have been shifting the blame to everyone else for the things going wrong in my life and with my eating plan. However, there is no one to blame except for myself. I have to hold myself and only myself accountable for my actions. No one can carry me to the finish line! This is NOT a diet, but a way of life for me. As soon as I start focusing on the "diet" aspect of this journey, it will spell disaster for me.

Have I figured out a solution to my problem? No, not yet, but I am working on one. For starters, I plan to get back to where I was in the beginning of my journey, i.e. regular blogging even when I feel I have nothing to say, drinking ALL of my water daily...not just Monday through Friday, and REGULAR exercise! I hope by getting back to the basics it will help me re-gain focus!!

Now for the results of my last three weigh-ins:

5/23/11 183.75 +2.00
5/30/11 (no weigh-in) Out of town & overeating
6/6/11 181.00 (2.75)

Thank you all for sticking by me while I figure this out! Hopefully I will regain my focus soon!! I'm so close to the finale! However, I'm still scared to death!!!

Until tomorow....have a wonderful today!

Weigh-in - Shrimp Creole....It's What's for Dinner

2011-05-16T17:01:00.005-05:00

Hey y'all. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I heard it was beautiful outside, but I wouldn't know since I ended up spending the entire weekend indoors. I have been suffering from severe headaches the past several weeks due to allergies. Now, to top it off I have an ear arche and sinus infection. My headaches have been so extreme they have caused terrible nausea on occasion. This weekend I was suffering from a severe headache and ran a 101° fever on Sunday. I feel a little better today, just worn out. I feel like my energy is competely sapped. Other than cleaning house, I didn't do much this weekend.

Here's my menu (as promised) for today:

Breakfast

1 South Beach Diet Protein Fit Ceral Bars, Peanut Butter flavored -140 calories
1 Yoplait Light Yogurt, Pineapple Upside Down Cake - 110 calories

Total Breakfast - 250 calories

Lunch

1 Lean Cuisine Simple Favorites, Stuffed Cabbage w/Whipped Potatoes - 210 calories
1 Jell-O Sugar Free Pudding Snack, Banana Fudge Supreme flavor - 60 calories

Total Lunch - 270 calories

Dinner

Shrimp Creole (recipe below) - 290 calories
Salad greens and grape tomatoes - 25 calories
2 T Newman's Own Light Raspberry & Walnut Dressing - 70 calories
2/3 cup Green Giant Antioxidant Blend Vegetables - 50 calories
1 slice Joseph Campione Light Texas Toast - 65 calories

Total Dinner - 500 calories

Dessert/Snack

1 Weight Watchers Lemon Cake - 80 calories
1 Mr. Salty Milk Chocolate Covered Pretzels - 100 calories

Total Snack/Dessert - 180 calories

Recipe for Shrimp Creole:

4 cups water
1 lb fresh shrimp, deveined and cleaned (can use frozen)
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped bell pepper
1 28 oz can tomatoes, chopped
2 tsp instant chicken flavored bouillon granules
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp dried thyme, crushed
1/2 tsp Tobasco Sauce (I actually use quite a bit more, but cut it down just for you!)
2 Tblsp cornstarch
2 cups hot cooked rice
1/4 cup parsley, chopped

1) In a large saucepan bring the 4 cups water to a boil; add shrimp. Return to boiling; reduce heat. Simmer from 1 to 3 minutes or until shrimp turnes opaque. Drain and set aside.

2) In a large skillet combine the onion, bell pepper, and 1/4 cup water. Bring to boil; reduce heat. Cover and simmer for 3 to 4 minutes or until vegetables are crisp-tender. Do not drain.

3) Stir in undrained tomatoes, bouillon granules, sugar, thyme and Tobasco Sauce. Simmer, uncovered for 8 minutes.

4) Combine cornstarch and 1/4 cup water, stir into skillet. Cook and stir over medium heat until thickened and bubbly. Cook and stir for 2 more minutes.

5). Add shrimp; heat through. Combine rice and parsley. Serve shrimp mixture with rice mixture.

Makes 4 servings. Enjoy

Now for the results of this week's weigh in:

5/16/11 (3.00) 181.75

WooHoo! I lost 3 pounds this week! This 3 pounds bring my total weight loss to 165.25 pounds!!

Only 46.75 to lose to reach my goal!!!! I not only met my 10% mini-goal of 184.50, I slammed it out of the park!! My next mini-goal will be 184.50 x 10% = 18.45. 184.50 - (18.50) = 166.

Only 8.25 pounds to go until I have literally lost myself!!! (After losing another 8.25 pounds, I will have lost a total of 173.50 pounds which is what I will weight after losing another 8.25 pounds!)

Well, I hope you give the Shrimp Creole a try. Let me know what you think about it!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!!

It's Not Always Easy, but It's So Worth It

2011-05-14T00:00:00.005-05:00

Hey y'all, I hope everyone out in blogland is staying safe. We've had lots of rain and thunderstorms in our area the past few days. I know we need the rain so I'm not complaining! :-) The rain brought cooler temperatures along with it, so it's all good!

After my last post one of my readers commented that I made weight loss look easy. LOL...I'm glad it appears that way. I think the hardest part for me was making my mind up to just do it. I've always believed at least 80% of this journey is mental. Truly convincing yourself it's possible to lose weight and then staying focused while keeping that belief firmly entrenched in your mind is one of the hardest parts of the journey for me. I tend to let my old demons of self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness creep back up on occasion, but I refuse to let them overtake me.

Issues of self-doubt have long been a problem of mine. Many, MANY moons ago, when I was in high school I always felt like a failure. I'm not sure why, but I felt I was never good enough, pretty enough or smart enough. Now that I look back on those days it kind of makes me laugh. (Although when you think about it it's really sad to think about all of my lost time and opportunities I've let slip through my fingers.) No, I wasn't popular or especially pretty and I weighed over 200 pounds since the 9th grade, but I was just as smart as most of my friends and graduated in the top 10% of my class. I would have graduated in the top 5%, but I dropped a class during my senior year which brought my grade point average down. However, due to all of the advanced classes I took I still graduated with a 4.11 GPA. In spite of this, I still struggled with feelings of self-doubt.

This is an ongoing issue with me.  To this day, I never feel good enough, pretty enough or smart enough. My husband and son constantly tell me I'm pretty or that I look really nice, and I thank them. However, somewhere deep down in my psyche, I've convinced myself they're just saying that to make me feel better. They're obligated to say that since they're my family. When others outside of my immediate family compliment me, I'm taken completely off guard and really don't believe their compliments could possibly be sincere. I feel they are just saying these things to be nice to me.

Another reason my weight loss journey is not easy is due to the fact, like most people who struggle with their weight, I have a love/hate relationship with food. I never learned how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way.  I have used food to bring me comfort in times of stress and/or sadness, in times of joy to celebrate, as a reward for my accomplishments and I have even used food as a cure for boredom. (Why do you think we call it comfort food?) So, my love of food and emotional eating brings even more problems, causing them to multiply. Instead of dealing with the emotional issues I'm stuffing down with food, I have created additional problems, weight gain, guilt about eating, my health, etc. So, the eating starts all over again. It's a vicious cycle.

Although, I have recently had a firmer grip on my love affair with food, I know I could easily let go and slip right back into my old patterns. Just the other day, after a particularly stressful day, I found myself standing, staring into the pantry, gazing about, mindlessly thinking about my day, searching for something decadent to cheer me up. Thankfully, I stopped myself before I gave in to my momentary weakness. I asked myself what was causing my stress and would food actually cure the problem for me. I have to admit, there was an inner struggle within my mind and heart. I shut the door to the pantry and burst out in tears. After telling my hubby about my terrible day, I felt better and the urge for decadence was gone.

The same commenter asked about my typical day, including what I eat and what type and how much exercise I get each week. You will get to read more about this beginning next week. However, I will share with you a typical day in my work week. Here's what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast
1 South Beach Living Peanut Butter Protein Fit Bar - 140 calories
1 Yoplait Light Yogurt, Black Forest Cake flavor   - 110 calories

Total Breakfast                                                         - 250 calories

Lunch
1 Lean Cuisine Simple Favorites Cheese Ravioli        - 220 calories
1 Jell-o Sugar Free Pudding Snack, Dulce de Leche - 60 calories

Total Lunch                                                               -280 calories

Dinner
Faux Fried Chicken and Waffles                                 -289 calories
1 cup Green Giant Green Beans w/seasonings              - 50 calories
1 medium baked potato with extra salsa                      -181 calories

Total Dinner                                                             -520 calories

Dessert/Snack
1 Snack Wells Devil's Food Cookie                               -50 calories
1 Mr. Salty Milk Chocolate Pretzels                             -100 calories

Total Dessert/Snack                                                  -150 calories

Daily Total                                                               -1,200 calories

As for exercise, it varies from day to day and week to week. There are some days I don't have time to exercise, like the days earlier in April when I worked 13 hour days. I try to do some form of exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes at least 5 times a week. The type of exercise I do also varies. I have tons of exercise videos, everything from Richard Simmons to The Biggest Loser. I do what I feel like doing, when I feel like doing it. I also utilize Exercise TV. They offer some fairly decent workouts and I like variety!

So, to answer the question....is it easy to lose weight? No, but with the right mental attitude and determination it can happen to you.

This Fat Chick promises you it IS possible for your dream to become a reality!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

Weigh-in - On the Way to the Big Finale

2011-05-09T13:40:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all. Things are finally slowing down for me! Yay! This slowdown has given me an opportunity to think about my life and how it relates to my blog. I've been considering changes I'll be making as I start on the future road to maintenance. (Nothing like getting a head start, obviously I love to plan things WAY in advance!)

Over the course of my journey, I have had numerous conversations, emails and comments from people asking for help and encouragement. I have been trying to think of ways to incorporate this into my blog. By no means do I consider myself an expert. However, I do think over the course of my journey I have learned a thing or two about changing life for the better.

One thing I have learned (and am still in the process of learning) is how to deal with my emotions, instead of eating myself into oblivion. I never really understood how much I used food as a crutch or coping mechanism. I still occasionally think I need a piece of chocolate cake, ice cream or something else decadent and handy when I've had a stressful day. However, instead of reaching for it, now I stop and think about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Certainly there have been exceptions during the course of the past 21 months. For example, during J's hospital stay last year I temporarily lost control and gave in to the impulse to eat whatever I thought I wanted at the time. This loss of control led to a weight gain which took me a couple of extra weeks to lose.

Another thing I have learned a little something about is preparing lower calorie, lower fat meals. I am someone who loves to cook and/or bake. People have often told me I should open a bakery or restaurant. Nevertheless, I don't think I would care to do it for a living, then it might become just another job. I want to cook because I enjoy cooking. There is something very relaxing about cooking to me. I love the feeling it gives me when I see someone enjoying something I've made especially for them.

That said, this is one of the exciting (at least in MY opinion) changes coming to my blog. I have made the decision to start sharing recipes, pictures, nutritional information, etc., of some of the meals I prepare for my family!! I will also provide honest reviews and opinions of my family. If my 10 year old son likes it, it must be good. Many of the recipes I will be sharing will be new to me, too. Needless to say, I will be anxious to see what my guys think about the food!

There may also be a few other changes coming before long, so stay tuned!!

Now for the results of my past two weigh-ins:

04/02/11 (1.50) 186.25
04/09/11 (1.50) 184.75

Just 1/4 pound more to reach my 10% mini-goal!!!

Only 11.25 pounds to lose before you can truthfully say I'm not half the woman I used to be! ;-)

And, last but not least, only 49.75 pounds to lose before I reach the big finale!!!! 135 pounds!!!! Less than 50 pounds to go to reach my goal weight!!!!

Wow!!! I cannot believe I am within reach of my goal weight!!! (Although....I am considering losing an additional 10 pounds once I reach my goal. The biometric testing I went through at work has me reconsidering my final goal weight.) However, there will be cries across the world when I finally reach 135!!

I hope you can feel the excitement in me as I type!! I just want to let you all know how much I greatly appreciate all of the love and support you have given me during my journey!!! I want to pay it forward to others who may be struggling with weight issues. Always remember the following....all things are possible to him who believes! There may be times you think it would just be easier to die than to go on another weight loss journey. I know you are not a Nene Leakes (aka quitter to those not familiar with Celebrity Apprentice). I am living proof that if you do not give up you can reach the stars. You can climb mountains no matter how insurmountable they may seem!!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today.

By the way, I plan to start my new meal plan sharing with you beginning next Monday!! Yay!!

Weigh-Ins - My Baby is Growing Up

2011-04-28T12:53:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! Well, it's hard for me to believe another month has come and gone, but here we are at the end of April. Why is it the older I get, the faster time seems to pass by?

I knew April would pass by in a flash since I have so many things going on this month. First of all, I had to endure another quarter end close. There were many nights I worked until 10:00pm or later. Plus, several weekends I worked from home. This close was rough, but not nearly as terrible as year end close. I spent way too many hours working though!! However, that's a conversation for another day! (and another blog)! ;-)

On top of my work life, I've had lots of things in my personal life going on, too. In April, I volunteered to spend at least 30 hours in Bible education work.  This meant getting up at 4:00-4:30am on Saturdays to get out of the door to meet my friends by 5:50am. A few days I spent 8+ hours in Bible education work. This past Monday evening, I was able to join my family and friends for some, what we refer to as "Hoot Owl" work. (We always have a hoot of a time and stay out until all hours of the night!) This involves meeting together about 7:00pm and staying out until all hours in Bible education work. My family was out until 10:30pm. Our friend who accompanied us, didn't get home until midnight or later!

I also took part in several special activities this month, which has been extremely enjoyable. Including, but not limited to, attending a special meeting with a visiting speaker from New York on one Saturday afternoon. Then the following evening we attended the Lord's Evening Meal. 6 congregations met together at our Assembly Hall in a nearby town. There were over 1,400 in attendance, if my memory serves me correctly.

One weekend we attended a wedding shower for a really sweet couple. Last weekend we enjoyed seeing them make their lifelong commitment to each other at their beautiful wedding!! Then we enjoyed great music, dancing and association at the reception.

So, needless to say, my month has been overflowing with activities!!

Talking about April passing by in a flash reminded me that my baby will be eleven years old in a few weeks. It seems like just yesterday little A made his appearance in this great big world. He's already 5'1" tall, so before long he will be taller than I am. He's not a baby any longer for sure! Just the other day he wanted me to look under his arm because he was sure he had some armpit hair coming in. Although I inspected his armpit closely, I was unable to see any fuzz at all. However, he swears he saw a hair, not just any hair either, but to quote him, "a really long, dark brown hair". My baby is growing up for sure! I caught him looking closely at his face in the mirror this weekend. I asked him what he was looking at, and he replied "nothing". I think he was looking for facial hair. Next thing I know, he'll be shaving and driving. Oh, I shudder to think about him driving!

A few weeks ago I got my hair cut and colored. I was tired of the stringy, bleached blonde look. I had not had my hair cut since prior to last August. I got it cut in the same style as I wore in some of my 2010 pictures from my last post. I asked for the same color, too, but it came out much darker than before. I will post some pictures of the new do in the next day or so to see what y'all think about it. At work only a few people seemed to notice my drastic change in appearance. I don't know if they don't like it or haven't noticed the change. (They would have to be blind not to notice, because it's cut up to my chin and dark blonde.) LOL...maybe they're trying to tell me something by not saying anything about it!

Okay, now for the results of my last several weigh-ins:

3/28/11 (2.50) 190.00
4/4/11   +1.25 191.25
4/11/11 (1.25) 190.00
4/18/11 -----   190.00
4/25/11 (2.25) 187.75

You can see the results of late night eating and not drinking enough water!! I have lost a total of 4.75 pounds during the past 5 weeks! I have been drinking lots more water this past week, and I can tell a difference. I don't seem to be swelling as much as I had been earlier this month.

I will post a few pictures in the next few days!

Thank you all for reading my ramblings!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

My Journey in Pictures

2011-03-26T01:59:00.002-05:00

Hey y'all. Well, many of you have asked me for updated progress pictures. Earlier this week I finally broke down and had my hubby take a few new pictures of me. Today I thought I would share my journey in pictures. Many of my readers may have seen some of these before, but it's a good reminder for me to see how far I've come since August 17, 2009. Enjoy!

This picture of me was taken in December 2008 while on a family vacation in San Antonio. I was huge and miserable in every way!

Another picture from our December 2008 family vacation in San Antonio. Notice my second row of boobs or shelf as I like to refer to it. I found out later that second row of boobs was the only thing holding up the top row of originals!

This is a picture taken at the Fort Worth Zoo in May 2009. I literally thought I would die on this excursion!

Taken in August 2009. It was one week since I began my weight loss journey when this picture was taken. I was so huge, I was squeezed into that so tight I needed two chairs...one for each cheek!

Another picture of me in August 2009. I faced my first temptation when we ate at Olive Garden. I stayed on track though. I ate the salad sans croutons, with low fat Italian dressing on the side. For my main dish, I had the Venetian Apricot Chicken and I avoided the bread sticks like the plague.

These two pictures were taken September 28, 2009. I was still huge after six weeks on my journey!

My sister-in-law, Sheri and me are pictured here. This shot was taken on November 28, 2009.

My family! Picture taken November 28, 2009

My hubby, J and me, at the Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge in Lawton, Oklahoma. Another picture from November 28, 2009. Although I was still huge, I can finally see a difference in my appearance.

Taken January 26, 2010

My friend, Charlotte, A and me. Taken March 27, 2010.

Strike a pose! Taken April 3, 2010.

My little sister, Regina, and me. Taken July 4, 2010.

August 19, 2010 (I had been on my journey for one year!)

Another shot from August 19, 2010.

Side shot of me from August 19, 2010

February 4, 2011

A and me pictured with our anorexic snowman. Taken February 4, 2011.

So, I hope you have enjoyed my journey in pictures. Oh, wait......I have a couple of brand new pictures you might be interested in seeing!

Come on....you know you want to see!

↓

Here's what I look like now:

↓

Almost there.....

↓

Taken Tuesday, March 22, 2011

March 22, 2011

Here's just a comparison to show you how far I've come....

What a difference 150+ pounds makes!

Well, I hope you've enjoyed my journey in pictures. By sharing these pictures, I hope to inspire others to start a journey of their own! I am here to tell you, if I can do it so can you!!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Weigh-In - Wrinkly, Hanging Skin

2011-03-22T12:08:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. I am so happy spring has arrived. I am loving the warmer weather. The temperature has been in the 80's all week!! Not bad for March weather. Of course, it kind of makes me wonder how hot our summer will be this year. Oh well, I guess sweltering heat in the summer is a small price to pay for a decent winter. I'll take the lesser of two evils, which to me is a hot summer! :-)

At least in the wintertime you can cover up everything you don't want people to see. (Although I usually cover up everything even in the summertime. I basically don't want anyone to see anything!) This summer I think I will be showing a little more skin than in recent summer's past.

A, (our one and only son) has begged us for several years to take him to the beach....ANY beach. I was absolutely horrified by the thought of myself in a swimsuit in front of a bunch of scantily clad women and men at the beach. Nevertheless, this year I have decided it's time to face the music and bare myself to the masses. (No, I'm not baring EVERYTHING,......just the essentials, like arms, and legs. Aren't you relieved?)

After resigning myself to the fact it's time to put my new thinner body on public display for the sake of my child, I still feel a little intimidated by the fact I'm still fat. Just not as fat as I was this time last year, or any year in recent history.

Not to mention, I have loose skin on my upper arms, thighs, and tummy. I have the remnants of a turkey neck, too. I have so many stretchmarks, my body resembles a road map of the greater New York metropolitan area.

To make matters worse, my little boy saw my tummy last night and exclaimed in surprise and wonderment, "Wow! Talk about wrinkly, hanging skin!"

First of all, we weren't talking about wrinkly, hanging skin. I was proudly showing off my tummy to prove how much smaller it is now. However, after he mentioned it, I began to really look at myself. And, unfortuneately he's absolutely correct. I do have hanging skin and it is wrinkly! :-( After he realized I was a little upset by his offhand remark, he quickly apologized. He did not intend to hurt my feelings or say anything to upset me. He was just amazed at the appearance of my stomach. He said he had heard of things like loose skin after losing weight, but had never had the opportunity to witness these things firsthand. LOL...well, I guess I made his day at least.

I am actually dreading our trip to the beach. I really don't want to subject the masses to my abused body in a swimsuit....not even a one piece. However, because I have made a promise to my son, I am going to follow through and keep my word, even if it means humiliation for myself. In the past, I dealt with problems like this by avoiding situations which promoted public humiliation. I was basically humiliated every time I was in public....so I literally tried to avoid going in public as much as possible in recent years. I only went out when it was absolutely necessary. My hubby took over all the grocery shopping, because when I went into the store I invariably had a panic attack.....even before I saw the bill.

Nonetheless, although I cannot affort liposuction to get rid of the cellulite, or surgery to remove the wrinkly, hanging skin, I am going to go to the beach with my family this summer. I will hold my head up high and feel proud of the fact I've lost more than 150 pounds. I will walk past the Barbie's and Ken's gathered on the beach and let my wrinkly, hanging skin flap proudly in the gulf coast winds in honor of my weight loss success!

Now for the results of this week's weigh-in:

I lost 2.50 pounds this week! This brings my total weight loss to 154.50 pounds!!! I currently weigh 192.50! Only 8.50 more pounds to lose until I reach my next 10% mini-goal.! Also, in only 19 more pounds I will have literally lost myself!!! Yay me!!!!

So, all of you Barbie's and Ken's who regularly congregate on the nation's beaches tanning yourselves and hanging ten....get ready to shield your eyes!!! You've been warned!!! Because, this summer this fat chick is coming to your beach with my wrinkly, hanging skin flapping proudly in the winds!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Weigh-Ins - It Pays to Get Healthy!

2011-03-16T23:05:00.002-05:00

Hey y'all! Well, it's been a long week and it's only Wednesday! Our son is in Oklahoma this week for Spring Break. I know he's having a wonderful time with his grandparents, but I sure miss him when he's gone. The house is so quiet without him!

As I've previously discussed, due to Obama's health care reform, our health insurance plan was recently changed. We're still with the same carrier, but we are now on a "high deductible health savings plan". (Sounds like an oxymoron to me!) Part of the "recommendation" from my employer is to "voluntarily" submit to biometric testing.

This Monday I had the....dare I say privilege, of having some young kid weigh me, take my blood pressure, and measure my waist. (He looked like he just graduated, not from college, not even junior college, I'm talking high school.) Then I was shuffled across the hallway into our break room of all places, which had been set up like a makeshift M.A.S.H. unit to have another young'un barely out of his pull-ups stick me with a needle and draw two vials of blood. The vampire with the needle really freaked me out. His hand was shaking so bad, I was wondering if he had used a few of those needles on himself. At least I have nice juicy veins, so he only poked me once. Some of my co-worker's were poked in both arms and he still couldn't hit the vein. Eventually, after being double poked, one of my co-workers asked to have the other tech draw her blood.

All of this poking, prodding, measuring, weighing, etc., was to determine my cholesterol, insulin levels, BMI, & weight. What a joke!! This was a total waste of money for my health insurance company. I have these same tests on a regular basis. My cholesterol and insulin were both just evaluated in December, as was my weight, and blood pressure. Due to my thyroid condition, I have a date with my doctor every three months. My next date with the good doctor is scheduled next week, where I'm sure I'll be subjected to this same testing. Maybe she'll do a mercy blood drawing on me and only test my thyroid, since I have to pay everything out of pocket until I meet my deductible.

On the forms one of the young'uns filled out, I noticed there were guidelines as to what they were looking for in an "unhealthy" patient. Of course, I was unhealthy in every category. On their scales I weighed 197 pounds. (However, I refuse to accept that weight, since I only weigh au naturale, but he wouldn't let me get naked...at least not completely! I did remove my shoes, and my blazer. I should have taken off all of my jewelry, too!)

Exactly what was this little boy-man looking for in a woman? His ideal woman would have a BMI under 30, (Mine calculated as 32.8.) with a waist measurement of less than 35". (Mine measured at 36".) At least he did measure my height at 5'5". (I thought I could add shrinking to my list of ailments, because a couple of years ago the nurse at my doctor's office measured me at 5'4 1/2". Since I was at least 18 years old, I've been 5'5", so when the nurse measured me at 5'4 1/2" I was shocked.) So, at least I was relieved to see I'm not shrinking, yet. Maybe I was slouching when they measured me at the doc's office???

Exactly why was biometric testing "suggested" for us to "voluntarily" ~~subject~~ submit ourselves to at work? If our results prove we're "healthy", we can save a bundle on ~~car insurance~~ health insurance. One saving grace, is this year we will not be penalized for being unhealthy. This year they are lowering our premiums by $20 per pay period just for subjecting ourselves to testing. However, next year they'll be back, needles in hand. We'll have to undergo these same tests in the makeshift M.A.S.H. unit, and if we're still not healthy we will have higher insurance premiums. So, it literally pays to lose weight and get healthy....at least since Obama began "fixing" the health care system in this country.

I am so thankful I began my weight loss journey when I did back in August 2009. Imagine what my results would have been had I not lost more than 150 pounds. My BMI was 57.7 when I first started my journey, now it's 32.8, at least according to the kid with the calculator. I have no clue what size my waist measurement was in 2009. I was too terrified to attempt to wrap a tape measure around myself to find out how huge my waist was, let's just say it was really big.

Of course, I'm not saying I'm glad I'm losing weight so I can save a "bundle". No, but any monetary gain I can achieve from this journey is an extra incentive to get healthy.

Hmmmm, maybe someone should have thought about paying me to lose weight years ago!

Now for the results of my last two weigh-ins:

May 7 - (1.50)
May 14 - (1.50)

This brings my total weight loss to exactly 152 pounds!!! I only have 60 pounds to go to reach my goal!!! I need to lose another 11 pounds to reach my next 10% goal.

Last, but not least, I only need to lose 21.50 pounds to have lost myself!!!! When I reach that major goal, I will have lost a total of 173.50 pounds. After that, when someone tells me I'm not half the woman I used to be, they'll be right!

Everyday, I look around and see more people fighting the battle of the bulge. I know it can seem overwhelming and virtually impossible to lose weight, especially if you have a lot of weight to lose. However, I guarantee you it CAN be done. It IS possible. I think we tend to be our own worst enemies. We accept our defeat before we even begin the race. We think we will fail, so we don't even attempt.

I am living proof that even a 47 year old wife & mother, who works 40+ hours per week outside of the home and has little time for strenuous exercise can lose weight!!! Half the battle is convincing yourself.

My advice (for what it's worth): Make your mind up and just do it!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful ~~today~~ tonight!

Weigh-In - Have a Little Faith

2011-03-01T13:38:00.008-06:00

Hey y'all! Well, so far this week promises to be much better. My knee with the torn cartilage is feeling a little better today. I'm still limping around some, but it's much better than it was this time last week. I actually got out and did a few things over the weekend!

I don't know if any of you watched last week's episode of "The Biggest Loser" or not, but if you haven't watched it yet, you may not want to read the following post.

I have to say, I usually really love this show. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I think it takes a great amount of humility and desperation to be willing to go on live TV and show the world how much you weigh. Oh, I'm sure there are many who would disagree with that statement. While it may be true some of the contestants appear to be on the show for the money, I think most of the contestants have a sincere desire to save their lives.

Think a little about what the contestants go through.....

1) Public humiliation as their weight is revealed to the entire nation. The clothes they wear to the weigh-in would traumatize me in itself! The little, skimpy tops the girls wear showing every roll and fold of fat, and the guys weigh-in shirtless. I feel a little traumatized just thinking about displaying my bare waist and legs for all the world to see!

2) Struggles with exercise.....vomiting, melt downs, falling off treadmills, etc.

3) Psychoanalysis by Jillian. Invariably the contestants have some type of break-thru revealing why they began the cycle of self-loathing which led to their obesity.

So, for the most part, I sincerely believe the contestants of this show are desperate to lose weight and take control of their lives. I can't believe anyone in their right mind would go in front of the entire nation and divulge their weight issues for the money. I mean, I know $250,000 is a lot of money, but it is so not worth it to me! These contestants are obese or morbidly obese and if they do not take action to get control of their weight and obesity related health problems they are headed for the grave. What good is $250,000 to you in your grave?

I faithfully watch TBL every week. I'm not usually home on Tuesday evenings, so the DVR is set to record every episode. I usually end up watching them on Wednesday or Thursday evenings. As a matter of fact, before I began my weight loss journey I had seriously considered trying out for the show. However, after watching what the contestants go through, I didn't think I was strong enough to handle the physical and emotional issues....plus I couldn't afford to take off work for such an extended period of time.

While I'm a huge fan of the show, I do forget it IS a contest. I get emotional when I see the contestants thinking only of the monetary rewards of becoming The Biggest Loser. You can usually tell who is sincerely interested in extending their lifespan by losing the excess weight, and who is mainly interested in the cash. I guess to the latter, getting healthy is just a side benefit.

Then there is this season. It seems for the most part, the contestants have a real desire to lose weight and get healthy. Of course, there was the original black team, twin brothers, Don and Dan. Earlier in the season they threw the weigh-in so they could return home. The first time, both twins GAINED nine pounds each. Dan asked to be sent home and the other contestants obliged. I was totally upset by this. I thought about all of the potential contestants who tried out for this show and were denied a spot because the twins were chosen, only to have the two of them display such an ungrateful attitude by giving up so quickly. It's one thing to be eliminated because you just aren't pulling the numbers, but it's entirely another matter when you purposely gain weight. I mean, come on, they each gained nine pounds!

Then there was Don. According to The Huffington Post, Don claims his original nine pound gain was unintentional. He makes the claim the gain was due to him not watching his liquid intake while being treated for edema. Now not to judge, okay so I'm going to judge, at least a smidge. I also suffer from edema and I have a bad habit of not drinking enough water throughout the day. While I know it's not impossible for Don to have gained nine pounds due to edema, I think it's very improbable. His brother had made it widely known he was homesick and wanted to leave. If it was unintentional, I find it very convenient BOTH twins gained EXACTLY nine pounds.

The very next week, after Dan's exit from the show, Don gained weight again! This time he gained six pounds! What in the world was this man eating to have gained 15 pounds in two weeks? I know he was exercising....at least while the cameras were rolling, so he must have been pigging out the rest of the time after the cameras were off him. Don admits to throwing the second weigh-in, although says he could blame his new teammate, Irene. He claims she approached him the night before the weigh-in and confided that she was intentionally going to drink water to cause them to fall below the yellow line. He further claimed, she said she knew he would end up going home and that she and the rest of the contestants would be safe for another week. Okay, well, that may explain why Irene gained, but was Don forced to participate? If I were in his place and some young chick approached me and basically told me she was plotting to get rid of me, I would have been furious. Why did Don gain? Did he drink water, too? Or, was he already planning his exit so he could join his brother back in Oklahoma? Instead of subjecting us to the weekly drama of the elimination room, Don was voted off by a show of hands, which is a first in Biggest Loser history.

After the twin Okies departure, I assumed all the contestants left on the show had a real desire to get healthy. Then this past week, FOUR people GAINED weight. To make matters worse, three of the contestants gained weight intentionally.

I had a feeling Marci and Deni were going to throw the weigh-in after seeing the meeting they held with the rest of the team. Both had agreed to "sacrifice" themselves "for the sake of the children". Jesse at first seemed a little upset that they would consider throwing the weigh-in and felt backed into a corner. The rest of the team seemed to be in agreement that a loving parent would willingly "sacrifice" themselves for their children, except for Arthur, who kept quiet.

I was totally disgusted by this meeting. I think a really great example of a loving parent is Moses of the Red Team. His daughter, Kaylee, is close to her goal and as with most people close to goal, the numbers on the scale are slowing down. What did Moses do when he learned that two people would be eliminated that week? He woke his daughter up earlier than normal every morning so they could get a head start at the gym.

It had already been announced that two players were going home that week, so why did THREE from the Black Team throw the weigh-in? This virtually ensured the Black Team would be losing two members. The last member of the Red Team to weigh-in was Jennifer. She gained two pounds last week. I do feel her weight gain was unintentional. She seemed visibly upset by the results on the scales. Although she may have felt there was no hope for her. I'm sure she knew her team would happily vote her off campus as soon as there was an opportunity.

When the Black Team's weigh-in began, I thought it was going fairly well for them, especially considering the team is made up of mostly smaller women. Then there were three....Marci gained a pound, Jesse gained three pounds, and last but not least was Deni. She gained EIGHT pounds which put her below the red line and she was immediately sent home. Of course, in the elimination room everyone voted to send Jesse home. I found it ironic that Marci was one of the ringleaders in the team meeting trying to convince Jesse a loving parent would sacrifice themselves for their children, and she happened to gain the least amount of weight. Of course, she was saved at the elimination. Poor Jesse caved in to the pressure, gained three pounds and was the team "sacrifice" for the "good of the children".

Of all the children on The Biggest Loser, which one learned the best lesson last week? Hands down, Kaylee. She had a wonderful example set by her father, Moses. What do you do when you feel like there's no hope? Do you give up and throw the weigh-in? No, you get up out of bed, get to the gym and work yourself harder and longer than normal. Moses had faith in his daugher. He obviously knew with hard work and lots of sweat, you have the best chance of staying another week. Way to go, Moses and Kaylee!!

Now for the results of my weigh-in this week:

I lost one pound, bringing my total weight loss to 149 pounds!! WooHoo! Yay me!! I now weigh 198 pounds! 63 pounds left to go!!!

I can't wait to see what drama is in store for me tonight on The Biggest Loser. I will actually get to watch it tonight, since we are not having our congregation meeting tonight due to our Special Assembly Day this weekend.

So, my advice is (for what it's worth) is have a little faith in yourself and each other!! You may be surprised at what you can accomplish with enough faith in yourself. I do know one thing though, I think I could use someone like Moses, to drag my rear out of bed and to the gym everyday!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!!

Weigh-in Results - I Coulda Had a Margarita

2011-02-25T13:41:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all. Well, a lot has happened since my last post. It seems the saying, "When it rains, it pours" is true. However, I have vowed to keep a positive mental attitude and I'm sticking with it!

Last weekend I was really busy. Saturday we attended the memorial service and reception for our friend that passed away earlier last week. The strength and courage his family displayed was certainly faith strengthening. It was very sad to see his family dealing with the loss of their dearly beloved one. Even his son who happens to be only 8 1/2 months old was upset. I'm sure he was wondering when his daddy was coming home.

Then on Sunday, I had been wearing heels all day and doing fine. However, after a trip to the grocery store, my feet were killing me. I went home to change clothes and opted for tennis shoes. Later that evening while enjoying dinner and great association with some wonderful friends, I tore some cartilage in my right knee. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I have had problems with this knee for years.

I was in a car accident when I was twelve years old while headed home to Waco from Arlington following an assembly. My knees and legs were slammed against the dashboard and radio/air conditioner knobs and both were left visibly scarred for years. Over the years, the scars have faded away, but I guess the internal damage was done. I'm sure I can't blame all the damage to my knees on the wreck. I'm sure weighing more than 300 pounds for years didn't help matters!

From time to time, my knee will go out on me suddenly with little or no warning. Last Friday as I stood from my chair at work, pain shot through my knee and leg. I immediately sat back down. After about 15-20 minutes I was able to walk again without a problem. However, last Sunday I wasn't so lucky.

A group of us were sitting out in the backyard of our friend's house while eating and talking. The food was delicious. It was a combination of Puerto Rican and Mexican food. After a while, I stood up to go into the house for another drink....Diet Dr Pepper. Our hostess had served margaritas, but I was being a good girl, so abstained. I had saved the majority of my calories for the day, (I had only consumed 230 calories before dinner!) but wanted to enjoy as much food as I could, and didn't want to fill up on "empty" calories. I did eat though, and ate good! I had two beef fajitas on flour tortillas, a little cheese and sour cream, a spoonful of guacamole, rice and beans. Everything was really good, especially the company.

However, I then decided I needed another drink, so I stood up to go into the house. As I stood, pain tore through my right knee. I tried to walk, but couldn't at the time, so I sat right back down. After about 15 or 20 minutes I attempted to stand, again. This time I hobbled into the house and sat down on the couch. That was a HUGE mistake. I had been sitting on the sofa for quite a while when we decided it was time to head home. I stood up and this time an excruciating pain shot through my knee. I hobbled around a little to say my goodbyes and made it to the car. As I was getting in the passenger side door, another pain shot through my knee. After that I barely made it into the house. By the time I got into bed, my knee had swollen up and I couldn't bend it to sit or walk. I was off work on Monday and Tuesday and have been barely making it since. I am still in bad pain from time to time, but it is slowly getting better.

Then came Wednesday....I found out THREE of our friends, two in Waco and one in Oklahoma, had passed away all due to unrelated causes. I was totally shocked! Both the ladies were in their 90's, one was 95 and the other was 97 years young, so I guess I wasn't totally shocked, but I really did think they would both outlive me. The death of the other Waco friend was a complete and total surprise. He was only 34 years old. He is leaving behind his wife of two years, three children, his parents and sister. When someone so young passes away, it's always such a shock.

My weigh-in this week wasn't too great either. I didn't lose an ounce....I didn't gain an ounce either. I stayed at 199. I was happy I didn't gain, but thought I should-a and could-a had a margarita, because obviously just trying to be careful of what I ate didn't matter!

I know a lot of other things came into play with my zero loss. Prior to re-injuring my knee, I wasn't sleeping much, and I have been having a terrible time getting all of my water down. At work, I just haven't been making a conscious effort to keep refilling my water bottle. I keep a 24 ounce bottle at my desk and usually try to drink 3-4 bottles per day. However, the past month or so, I have been barely managing 2-3 per day. On the weekends, I just have been slipping into my old Diet Dr Pepper routine, and not drinking water. There's really no excuse for that. I just haven't been making the effort. I've done a little better in the water department, at least toward the latter half of this week. Hopefully, I'll see a downward number on the scales on Monday morning.

I plan to enjoy this weekend as much as I possibly can, in spite of my knee injury. It's supposed to be around 75° on Saturday and I hope to take advantage of it, if I'm up to it!

I hope y'all have a great weekend, too!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Happy as a Clam!

2011-02-16T13:24:00.001-06:00

Hey y'all. Another beautiful day in Texas is in the forecast for today! The high temperature is supposed to be around 75°! I love weather like this. I am certainly not a big fan of the cold! I'm sure in August I will be wishing for some colder weather, but for now I'm happy as a clam. (I wonder where that saying came from...."Happy as a clam." After all, how does anyone really know the mental state of a clam?) Anyway, that's how I feel today....as happy as I could imagine a clam could be before being caught and served to me for dinner by the friendly folks at Red Lobster.

In my post yesterday, I was in the depths of despair. (My sister is right. I do have just a little of Anne of Green Gables in me. Also, notice it's Anne with an "E".) I've been feeling down and depressed. I think it's been mainly due to the overwhelming position I have found myself in at work and the lack of sleep I've been getting at home.

Well, just as I was moaning and complaining about my life, I received an email from a friend of mine. The email was informing me of the death of a friend of ours. This morning when I arrived at work, there was another email sitting, waiting in my inbox. It was an email from the wife of our friend who had just lost his fight for life. In this email she described how her beloved husband had "remained positive and upbeat, to the point of cheerful, as he entertained our friends and family in and out of the hospital." She went on to describe how they spent a little time each night laughing as they read from a book with her husband's favorite comic strip character, Dilbert, keeping their humor up.

So, why am I sharing this with you? Well, both of these emails only served to reinforce what I already knew. No matter how bad we think we may have it in life, there is always someone going through something much, much worse. As my friend described in her email, keeping a "positive and upbeat" attitude is vital in dealing with all of the trials we may suffer in life.

I have often posted about this same thing. I know it's not what happens to us in life, but how we react to the things that happen to us, both good and bad, that is paramount to our happiness.

Just as I've posted about before, I think the problem with many of us engaging in the war on fat, is the fact we never learned how to react in a positive way to the bad things happening to us in life. Whatever the reason, food made us feel better, and even brought us comfort. There is something about food that makes me feel good. Not just when I'm hungry, but every time I eat, I feel joy, happiness, warmth, and comfort as I eat.

My father used to tell me I kept all of my feelings bottled up inside of myself. It's funny, because I never felt I was bottling up my feelings.

Another friend of mine emailed me yesterday telling me she never realized just how unhappy I had been in our younger days. She has known me since first grade, and I think if anyone outside my family knows me, it's Elaine. Well, she recently came across some notes I had written to her in class. (Yes, I was one of the kids in class passing notes to her friends!) Anyway, Elaine told me she read some of these notes. She said, "You always were a funny writer, but there was an unhappy undercurrent in many of those notes, and it occurred to me that you must have been depressed in those days and I just didn't understand."

Like I mentioned before, I really do believe the tendency toward depression in an inherited gene. However, there are so many things that have contributed to my feelings of sadness that I have never discussed with anyone except my loving husband and immediate family. I was always taught to keep family matters private...in the family. So, no matter how well someone may or may not have known me, I have never discussed most things outside of our family.

Even though this blog is a sounding board for me, I do not feel comfortable telling all. Out of respect for my family, I will not disclose all....at least not here or now. I guess you'll just have to wait for the book! LOL!

Today I am making it a personal goal for myself to remain positive and upbeat. I want to be remembered as someone with a positive outlook on life!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Weigh-In(s) & My Journey to ONEderland

2011-02-15T00:11:00.003-06:00

Hey y'all. Well, things have certainly changed for me since my last post. Work has finally returned to "normal" for me. Of course, I have to ask what is normal for me? I finally finished year end close as well as January close. It was such a huge relief to get that all behind me for awhile. The man in charge finally realized I was not a one woman show and decided to give me some help. One of the administrative assistants has transferred over into my department to help me. We are going through a training phase now, but hopefully my next quarter close will not be nearly as traumatic for me!

The weather here has been crazy. A couple of weeks ago we had below freezing temperatures for about a week. We had a few nights with lows in the single digits. (I know to some that's an ordinary occurrence in the wintertime, but not for this Texas chick!) Suddenly this weekend it was like springtime. The highs were in the upper 60's and today it was in the 70's!!! I am loving every minute of this weather!!!

With all of the stress with my job, etc., it has really slowed down my weight loss. I haven't been exercising, sleeping or drinking my water regularly. When I wrote my last post, I weighed 201 pounds. I was anxiously excited about the prospect of entering into ONEderland.

So, without further ado, here's the results of my last three weigh-ins:

January 31 - 200.50 (0.50)
February 7 - 200.00 (0.50)
February 14 - 199.00 (1.00)

In spite of the fact my weight loss has slowed down dramatically for me the past few weeks, I finally reached a HUGE milestone in my journey. I made it into the wonderful, magical land known as ONEderland!!!

Even as I type these words out, it seems unbelievable to me. I would have never believed I would weigh less than 200 pounds, again. I have been overweight my entire life. I've weighed more than 200 pounds since the 9th grade. Yes, it's true, I have lost weight before...for about a millisecond. I immediately (and I do mean immediately) packed the pounds right back on.

I have now lost a total of 148 pounds since August 2009. WOW!!! That just seems unfathomable to me. Of course, I can tell a difference in the way I feel. The fact I can wear MUCH smaller clothes proves to me I've lost lots of weight, but, crazy as this may sound, I really don't see a difference. I just still feel like the fat chick. That was an issue with me before on my previous weight loss journeys. When I looked in the mirror, I saw no difference. Well, maybe I did see some difference, but it never sunk in my thick head. I think I was so used to being "the" fat chick, I just never let myself believe I wasn't "the" fat chick any longer.

The fact I've lost and re-gained weight so many times is scary to me. The thought I could slip and fall right back into my old habits is a sobering thought. I have always struggled with emotional eating. I eat when I'm happy, eat when I'm sad, eat when I'm depressed, and eat when I'm mad. (Sounds like a line from a new Dr. Seuss book featuring my dysfunctional life.)

Another problem I constantly fight, other than my weight, is major depression. After the birth of my son, and the death of my mother, I was in the depths of depression. Major depression seems to be inherited through my family gene pool.

Of all of the wonderful traits I'm sure some in my family have possessed, I happened to inherit the tendency for major depression and weight issues.....if the latter was actually inherited or not I'm not entirely sure. However, I am fully convinced the tendency to suffer from major depression is an inherited gene, at least in some people. There are others in the family who are suffering right along with me in the quagmire of depression. Some of us just handle it differently than others.

In the past, I have chosen to try to eat away my depression. So, how has this been working out for me? Well, I think you know. It's just a vicious cycle. I eat to numb myself from whatever pain I'm feeling only to realize later the pain is much worse when I awaken from my food induced stupor. I would have never allowed myself to balloon up to 347 pounds, if I knew how to deal with the mental anguish I feel constantly.

One of the things that has had a tremendous impact on how I am now handling my eating to numb away the pain is this blog. I have for too long allowed my job to interfere with my writings.

Lately as I've been working away, especially when I'm working late at night, sitting all alone in front of the flickering computer screen, I have started having the same old feelings of despair. I am terrified of slipping back into my old habit of turning to food for comfort when I'm feeling this way.

Although I have not wavered from my eating plan, I know it's always a possibility. If I allow myself to weaken in my determination it can and will be a death sentence for me. I have already been slacking off in some areas, such as exercising, water intake and sleep requirements. (For instance, this past weekend was the first weekend I haven't had to work since New Year's weekend. What did I do? I was awake until 4:00am on Saturday playing computer games and doing genealogy research.)

I know I have to take control of this situation now. I have made a promise to myself that I will not allow my job to interfere with what is important to me in my life. Although it's true money is nice, it cannot and will not buy happiness.

I refuse to give up on myself when I am so close to being victorious. I have accepted the fact that this is a new lifestyle for me. This is not just another diet. This is my life and I intend to see it through to the very end.

My point in airing all of this dirty laundry tonight is this.....we all suffer in one way or another. For some of us, eating is the way we handle pain. We may have never learned to face the things causing the pain choosing instead to use food to numb the pain. Others may be suffering in other ways.

As you are reading this you may feel like it's impossible for you to lose weight. You may think you're personally not worth it. Or you may feel like your life is not worth the time and effort involved in committing to a completely new lifestyle.

I really can and do empathize with you. Just remember this......it was only 1 1/2 years ago when I first sat down in front of this very same computer tipping the scales at 347 pounds.

I am not going to sit here and lie to you. This journey is not always easy. In fact, it's often down right difficult, especially in the beginning.

However, I do promise you it IS entirely worth it. YOU are entirely worth it. Your life IS entirely worth it.

It is possible for you to succeed if the desire burns deep within you and your determination remains strong.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

WE CAN DO THIS!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

I'm Not Dying....I'm "Normal"

2011-01-28T13:15:00.001-06:00

Hey y'all. I am so happy it's finally Friday. I've only worked three days this week due to my sick child, but man, I feel like I've been run over by a truck. (Where did that saying come from? If someone were run over by a truck would they live to tell you how terrible it felt? I guess there are some few and unfortunate out there who might have actually experienced the feeling of being run over by a truck, but thankfully I'm not one of them....at least literally. So, since technically I've never been actually run over by a truck, I'm just guessing what that must feel like. I know it's really terrible.) As I've told you before....when I'm tired I really ramble about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING!)

Anyway, moving on. I feel better today than I have in quite some time. I actually left the office last night at 6:00pm! My family was totally and completely shocked and awed when they saw me walk through the garage door. I think I'm so used to staying up late, I had problems sleeping, so I played on the computer until midnight. At least I was doing something I enjoy....not working. Well, technically I was working at farming, frontiering and running my empire of a city, but I wasn't really getting paid. Although when I've been working all the hours non-stop at the office I'm not really getting paid either. At least not in comparison to the hours I've spent working away.

Someone left me a comment asking me if I was getting overtime pay for all of the extra hours I've had to work recently. She was a little concerned about this being a personal matter. However, I have NO secrets. As you all know, there is NOTHING too personal for me to discuss. I mean, I've talked about breaking toilets, squeezing my over sized bottom into a little bitty chair, breaking chairs, bleeding in places I ought not and even discussed going to the Christmas doctor. (For those of you not aware, I've gotten into the habit of calling my gynecologist the "Christmas doctor". I got the idea from the television show, "Ruby". She said she calls her gynecologist the "Christmas doctor" because it's always a surprise!)

So, to answer the question....I am salaried. I do not get paid any overtime. Also, to make matters worse, when I was "promoted" to a senior position I was not given a raise. Due to the overtime, I figured I've been making less than minimum wage. I do not have a college degree. Everything I know I've learned through my 20+ years of on the job training. I haven't said too much about this because a few months ago, our entire department was told the following, "We could replace all of you tomorrow with people with degrees. We could pay them less money and they would be happy to have the job." I really appreciate the comment asking me if I had considered the fact they could be using me. I really don't think that question requires a response from me! ;-)

On another subject entirely, my back and neck have been hurting me the past few weeks. (I'm sure being hunched over a computer for 80 hours per week over the past four months has nothing to do with my pain.) Well, last night my husband, J, was rubbing my back in the area between my shoulder blades. That seems to be where the majority of my pain is originating. I was sitting in front of the computer screen. Hmmmm....imagine that! Anyway, J, was trying to work out the tension in my upper back, when our son came in the room. J left the room, so our son took up duties as my massage therapist. After a few minutes, he began telling me I had a knot in my upper back. He said, "It feels like it's on your spine. I don't think you have scoliosis, but next time you go to your doctor for a checkup, you might want to have that checked." LOL....that's my son. The little hypochondriac.

When J re-entered the room, A promptly showed him the area of concern. J took his had and rubbed the area in question. He laughed. He said, "Son, that is just part of your mother's spinal column. It's where her back and neck are joined together. Everyone has a knot in their back there." J immediately showed A where his "knot" is to reassure him that it's completely normal.

Okay, why am I telling you all of this? Well, apparently A has never seen me this thin before so when he felt the bone in my neck, he assumed I must have some type of illness. He almost had me convinced I was dying, until J convinced us it's normal.

See, I've always been the fat chick, even as a child. It's sad that I don't even know what's normal and what's not!

That said, last night our family celebrated. We celebrated the fact I was home before midnight and we celebrated the fact I'm not dying, I'm just losing weight!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

Weigh-Ins - Working My Life Away

2011-01-27T12:58:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all. Well, I can't believe the month of January is already coming to a close. Where has the month gone? I'll tell you how my month was spent......it was spent working! I worked 7 days a week for the first three weeks of the month. I haven't been working an 8:00-5:00 schedule either. There were many nights I spent at the office until midnight or later. One weekend, I worked until 4:30am. (Whatever did people do without flash drives?) I worked a 16 hour day on our 17th wedding anniversary, which is on January 15th. (We still haven't even had time to celebrate!) Even when A got sick last week, I stayed at home with him, but worked from home. January 24th was my first day home without working! I stayed home that day again with a sick child. It seems like the only way to get time off is by getting sick!

The reason my life has become my job???? I recently posted about my entire department getting laid off....except for me. Well, it has turned out to be a blessing and a curse. I'm thankful I have a job, but I cannot continue devoting my life to my job.

Anyway, as a result of all of the crazy hours I've been keeping, it's taken a toll on my weight loss goals. I've still stuck to eating 1,200 calories per day. However, my water intake has been lacking and exercise has been non-existent....unless you count the movement my fingers make when I type or use the 10-key. I haven't even got to exercise my hand with the remote control lately. The guys in my house are loving being in total control of the television in the living room!

I just have this vision of ending up like the guy we've all heard about. You know the one....they found him dead in his cubicle. No one in the office apparently even realized he was gone. I guess they were so used to seeing him sitting in that chair, surrounded by those beautiful beige walls. I don't want that to be me!!

Well, here's the results of my last three weigh-ins:

Jan 10th - Week 73 (2.00)
Jan 17th - Week 74 +1.00
Jan 24th - Week 75 (2.75)

All of this up and down, has left me weighing 201. I had hoped to get under 200 by our anniversary, but it didn't happen. We'll see what happens on my next weigh-in on Monday morning. Although things are slowing down at the office since end of year close is almost over, I still worked until 8:30pm last night. If I make it below 200, needless to say, I will be thrilled. However, if I don't make it this week, I know I will reach ONEderland soon!

Thank you all for your patience, while I dwindle my life away at work.

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Recipe Sharing

2011-01-08T22:17:00.001-06:00

Hey y'all! Happy Saturday! I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

I was up this morning at 7:30am. I woke up around 3:30am and had trouble going back to sleep because I was obsessing about work. I stayed at the office last night until about 9:30pm. I still feel like there's so much to do right now I shouldn't be wasting time by sleeping. Like I told my sister-in-law, Sheri, last weekend, "I'll sleep when I'm dead!"

A few have asked me about the recipes I took to our family gathering last weekend.

I'm posting the recipes today! I know how thrilled you must be!

Sugar Free Banana Split Cake
(serves 24)

2 cups crushed graham crackers
1/2 cup butter, melted
3 medium bananas, sliced
1 large pkg fat free/sugar free vanilla instant pudding mix
3 cups skim milk
16 oz can crushed pineapple (packed in own juice), drained
2 cups strawberries, sliced
8 oz Sugar Free Cool Whip
1 cup walnuts, chopped
12 maraschino cherries, patted dry
Sugar free chocolate syrup
Sugar free caramel syrup

Directions:

Spray bottom and sides of 9x13 pan with Pam. Mix graham cracker crumbs with melted butter. Press into bottom of pan. Combine pudding mix and milk according to package directions. Layer over graham crackers. Layer banana slices, then pineapple over pudding, top with sliced strawberries. Top with Cool whip. Sprinkle with walnuts. Garnish with cherries. Drizzle chocolate syrup and caramel syrup lightly over top. Refrigerate until ready to eat. (It is best the same day it is made.)

Reese's Sugar Free Peanut Butter Cup Flecked Ice Cream Pie

1-1/2 cups salted or unsalted finely crushed pretzels
3/4 cup (1-1/2 sticks) light margarine, melted
2 tablespoons sucralose, granular form, such as Splenda
12 Reese's Sugar Free Peanut Butter Cups Miniatures
peanut butter cream sauce (recipe follows, optional)
1/2 gallon sugar free vanilla ice cream, softened

Directions:

Heat oven to 350°F. Combine pretzels, margarine and sucralose in medium bowl; press mixture onto bottom and up side of 9-inch pie plate. Bake 30 minutes or until firm. Cool completely on wire rack.
Remove wrappers from peanut butter cups; cut into small pieces. Stir peanut butter cup pieces into softened ice cream. Gently spread ice cream mixture in prepared crust. Cover; freeze 4 to 6 hours or overnight.

To serve: Allow pie to soften slightly; cut into slices. Drizzle each slice with about 2 teaspoons peanut butter cream sauce, if desired. 12 servings. (The recipe says 12 servings, but this is VERY rich so I prefer smaller slices.)

Peanut butter cream sauce: Unwrap and chop 12 Reese's Sugar Free Peanut Butter Cups Miniatures; place in medium microwave-safe bowl. Stir in 1/3 cup light cream. Microwave at MEDIUM (50%) 1 minute; stir. If necessary, microwave an additional 15 seconds at a time, stirring after each heating, until peanut butter cups are melted and mixture is smooth when stirred (some peanut pieces may remain). Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla extract. Cool slightly. About 2/3 cup sauce. Reese's Sugar Free Peanut Butter Cup Flecked Ice Cream Pie

Last, but certainly not least, is the recipe for the broccoli casserole I took last weekend. This recipe is from Paula Deen. I got it from my Paula Deen and Friends cookbook, but here's a link to the original recipe at pauladeen.com

Paula Deen's Broccoli Casserole

2 10-ounce packages frozen chopped broccoli, cooked and drained
1 cup Mayonnaise
1 cup Grated sharp cheddar cheese
1 10 3/4-ounce can condensed cream of mushroom soup
2 eggs lightly beaten
2 cup crushed Ritz crackers
2 tablespoon butter, melted

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350°. Spray a 13 by 9 inch baking dish with vegetable oil cooking spray. In a large mixing bowl combine broccoli, mayo, cheese, soup and eggs. Mix well with a metal spoon. Place the mixture in the prepared baking dish. Top with the crushed crackers and pour the melted butter evenly over the crackers. Bake for 35 minutes or until set and browned.

(I used more broccoli than the recipe calls for, in fact I almost doubled the amount. I also used 4 tablespoons melted butter to drizzle over the crushed Ritz Crackers.)

All of the recipes had great reviews by our family. Although I love sweets, I think my favorite was the broccoli casserole. None of the recipes I have shared today are low calorie, so please enjoy them in moderation.

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

All Things Are Possible to Him Who Believes

2011-01-06T23:19:00.001-06:00

Hey y'all. Well, I've been working extremely long hours again. (I didn't get home the last few nights until 9:00pm) However, I refuse to allow my job to interfere with my real life. I know blogging helps me keep it real, so I'm striving to make time to blog. I want to say "thank you" to all of my readers. I really appreciate y'all sticking by me....even when it appeared I had disappeared from blogland.

On my last post someone left a comment asking me about exercise. Most of my weight loss has come strictly from counting calories. Yes, I do exercise, but I don't do anything very strenuous. When I started my journey, my knees were in terrible shape. Several times during the past year I have been incapacitated, mainly due to the extreme pain in my right knee.

I was in a car accident when I was 12 years old. We were headed back to Waco from an assembly in Arlington and someone pulled out from a stop sign and stopped facing the other direction directly in front of us. We hit them almost head-on going about 40 miles per hour. My legs, knees and face were slammed into the dashboard. My legs are scarred and my knees have given me trouble for years. (Sure, blame it on the wreck. I'm sure weighing almost 350 pounds could never be the reason for my bad knees!)

Anyway, when I first started losing weight, my knee was going out on me regularly. Just getting up and down from a chair or getting out of a car could set it off. In January 2010 I was unable to walk for almost 2 weeks due to extreme pain. That episode was caused simply by getting out of the backseat of a friend's car. Even merely walking has caused my knee to give out on me.

My doctor advised me to take it easy with the exercise....especially when my journey first began. However, as I've continued to lose weight, I've continued to increase my exercise. I'm still cautious about my knee, although it's been a couple of months since it went out on me. I was just thinking the other day about the fact it's been awhile since my knee gave out and wondered if it was safe to do a little more.

I was down on my hands and knees for quite awhile on Sunday while cleaning my oven. Usually if I put any weight on my knee, it will give out on me. However, Sunday I was sitting in the floor and got up and down on my knees a few times, and for the first time in years I did not have any pain.

As for my progress pictures, I had hoped to have some ready to post this week. I had intended to take some pictures last weekend when our company was in town, but I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't take any! I promise to have J take a few pictures of me this weekend.

One comment mentioned someone telling me I looked good. I think you must be referring to the comment left by my sister-in-law, Sheri. She and her family were at our house over New Years weekend. It was the first time she had seen me in a few months, and I think she was surprised at how much different I look now.

I realized something today that made me really happy. It is the fact I'm two thirds of the way to my final goal. My original goal was to lose 212 pounds. 141.33 pounds is the 2/3 of the way point!! I cannot believe it! It's seems so close when I think of it like that.

I know for those of you just beginning your journey, it can seem an impossible ordeal. If you have a lot of weight to lose, it can be a little overwhelming. However, let me tell you, it IS possible.

I've always believed this journey is 90% mental. You have to believe in yourself. Believe you can lose weight and get healthy. Look for positive reinforcement and encouragement from family, friends, co-workers, classmates, etc. Find someone you can look to as a role model.

While working at a Waco bank, one of my co-workers gave me a handmade, cross-stitched picture with the saying, "All things are possible to him who believes". Convince yourself and more importantly believe in yourself and you will find you CAN lose weight!

I'm not going to lie. Weight loss is hard. However, the long term rewards are SO worth it!!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

Week 72 Weigh-In & Setting Goals

2011-01-03T12:05:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all! I am SO happy to have one more day away from the office. Being off work the past few days has done me a world of good. I am feeling better than I have in a long time! I know when I go back tomorrow I will have to get right back in the swing of things since we will be in the 4th quarter/end of year close, but I'm going to enjoy every minute of today!! I even got up early this morning to take advantage of my free time.

After all the wonderful food I consumed over the weekend, I was a little nervous about stepping on the scales this morning. Well, it wasn't only due to all the food I ate, because I was pretty careful about my intake of food, but I was also worried because I didn't drink much water this weekend. For some reason I drank Diet Dr Pepper almost all weekend long. My excuse was I was really tired and needed a pick me up. However, I know that is just what it was....an excuse! This morning I've made sure to get back after the water.

Actually, I shouldn't have been overly worried about the scales. Last week I stayed at 208, so I think I knew deep down I would have some sort of loss this week....and I did!

Here's the results of my week 72 weigh-in:

I lost 3.25 pounds this week!!! This brings my total weight loss to 142.25!!! I currently weigh 204.75!! I met my 10% mini-goal of 205, too.

So, needless to say, it's goal setting time, again!

Of course my one HUGE goal is to get to ONEderland. I only need to lose 5 more pounds to reach this mammoth milestone in my journey. I would love to reach this goal by our 17th wedding anniversary, which is on January 15th, but with the way my weight loss is going I'm not going to be overly upset if I don't make it by that particular date. To tell you the truth, I will be happy if I can reach it by the end of January! Nevertheless, I am setting the goal for the Monday, January 17th which is the closet Monday to our anniversary.

My next mini-goal is to lose another 10% of my current weight. I currently weigh 204.75, so I am rounding this up to 205 x 10% which is 20.5 pounds, rounded up to 21 pounds. Thus my next mini-goal will be 205 - 21 = 184. I hope to achieve this goal by the start of A's spring break which is March 14-18.

I cannot believe I am sitting here writing about reaching goals in the 100's! Just a little over 16 months ago when my journey began, I would have never believed it would/could happen. However, now I can say without an ounce of self-doubt, I will reach my final, ultimate goal!

I truly believe, although I'm not as young as I used to be (Are any of us?) 2011 will be one of the best years of my life!! I am so excited about starting this year out as a better wife, mother and friend! I have so much more energy it's unbelievable. I still tear up when I think about all the time I've wasted, but I plan to live every day I've got to the fullest.

I want to take A to the beach this summer. (He's wanted to go for years, but I was way too embarrassed to be caught dead in public in a bathing suit.) Also, I plan to take him to Six Flags and actually ride the rides with him this time! Finally, I think this summer will be a wonderful time to take the plunge into my first ever trip to a water park!! Oh, I will probably not be at my final goal of 135 pounds by summertime. But, I finally realize what I look like is not the most important thing in life. No, being a good wife and mother to my guys is what's important to me!!!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!!

Family Gatherings and Good Choices

2011-01-02T17:16:00.004-06:00

Hey y'all. Well, this is my first post of the new year. (See....I told you I was going to make an effort to post more regularly!)   Let's just hope I continue! I really do believe blogging helps keep me an honest woman. I think it's easy to lose track of ourselves and our progress (or lack thereof) if we do not post regularly. So, that's my goal....posting regularly.

We enjoyed a wonderful weekend. My husband's parents came down from Oklahoma and brought our son, A, home. He had been visiting the grandparents for the past two weeks. We try to allow A visits with my in-laws regularly. They are both in their 70's, and as I well know anything can happen at any time no matter what their age.

Also, my brother-in-law, Ray, his wife, Sheri, their daughter, Brooke, and their little dog, Darcie, came up from Waco. It was the first time they brought Darcie with them. I was wondering how she would get along with our Australian Shepherd/Australian Cattle Dog, Bowie. He's about 4 to 5 times larger than she is, but they got along just fine. I think Bowie was thrilled A was finally home after a two week absence and suddenly not only was A home, but suddenly the house was full of guests and commotion!

On Friday night, Sheri, made us Tortilla Soup for dinner. I will have to get the recipe from her. I know it had fried strips of corn tortillas, tomatillos, chicken breasts, and salsa in it, but I'm not sure about the rest of the recipe. It was really, really good. Normally, I would not allow myself to eat something like this due to the fried tortilla strips. However, this time I limited my calories earlier in the day to allow myself some extra calories for my evening meal. As you ladle the soup into bowls, you add the tortilla strips individually so you are in control as to how many tortillas you choose to eat. Then after the soup is ladled atop the tortilla strips, you top it with Monterey Jack cheese and sour cream. (We used light sour cream.) I allowed myself a little cheese and a small dollop of sour cream. Absolutely delicious!!!

On Saturday night we all went to Janice and Dana's house. Janice is J's aunt, my father-in-law's sister, who happens to live about 20 minutes from us. They have a gorgeous home which is large enough to hold lots of people. Three of Janice's children, Jack, Aaron, and Andrew, who brought along his girlfriend, Stephanie, were there, too. This was our first time to meet Stephanie. She seems like a really sweet girl. My father-in-law's brother, Lonnie, his friend Karen and her mother were there as well. So, there were 17 of us there in total.

We had enough food to feed a small army! I think we had just as many desserts as we did "regular" food. I was responsible for several of those desserts, I have to admit! I made a Banana Split Cake and a Reece's Ice Cream Pie. However, I actually found diabetic, sugar free, versions of the desserts I made. (J's mother and his uncle, Dana, are both diabetic.) I would normally not eat dessert in this situation, but I did eat a little of the two sugar free desserts I made. I know they might have been sugar free, but definitely were not low calorie, so I limited the amount I ate. Nevertheless, they were great! (Modest, huh?) If any of you are interested in the recipes, please let me know, and I will post them in a future blog.

As I posted earlier, our dinner consisted of the following:

brisket
smoked chicken
smoked sausage
potato casserole
broccoli casserole
pinto beans
assorted fresh fruit
macaroni and cheese
yeast rolls
assorted desserts

I will also share the broccoli casserole recipe if any one is interested. Just let me know. I had never made it before and was a little concerned, but thankfully it was well received by all.

I have to laugh about the chicken. I recently blogged about picking up a rotisserie chicken for me and A to eat, since neither one of us are big beef eaters. Don't get me wrong, on occasion we will both eat steak, but only on occasion. Normally if you offer either one of us a choice between beef or chicken, we choose chicken. We showed up for dinner with our little, store bought rotisserie chicken. However, Janice beat us to the punch. She and Dana smoked two large chickens. That's why I had to laugh. There were two gorgeous smoked chickens along side our sad, little, store bought chicken. Needless to say, we brought our store bought chicken right back home with us! :-)

Again, in the past, during my numerous efforts at losing weight, I would not eat dinner at someones house without knowing the exact calorie count of what I was consuming. However, this is one of the major differences in me this time around. This new way of eating is a permanent lifestyle change for me. I know I will not stick to my plan if I never allow myself to indulge just a little. Also, I know it's about good choices and smaller quantities all the time. You have to exercise good judgement and common sense.

So, I did eat, and I ate GOOD! I stayed with smoked chicken, a small spoonful of broccoli casserole, two small spoonfuls of potatoes, two small spoonfuls of beans, two spoonfuls of fresh fruit, and for dessert a sliver of the sugar free Reece's Ice Cream Pie, and a spoonful of the sugar free Banana Split Cake. I was really full and satisfied without over doing it like I had been accustomed to in the past.

I hope everyone has had an enjoyable weekend!!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

Looking Forward to 2011

2010-12-31T13:24:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all. So, this is it....my last post for 2010. I can hardly believe another year has come and gone. Time flies so quickly. It seems like yesterday when A came into this world and he's 10 years old now! The older I get, the faster the clock seems to turn.

I look back at all of the time I have wasted, being morbidly obese. I have deprived myself of years of living life to the fullest. I was so heavy, I was unable to do most normal activities of a wife and mother. It hurts me to look back and think of how this has hurt A. He has never had a "fun" mother. Oh, I love to joke and cut up, but I have never been capable of taking him places and doing things most boys love to do.

For instance, I have never taken him to a water park. I am terrified of scaring the small children. I just know they would scream when they see the cellulose on these thunder thighs. I had a dream I went with A to a water park once, but when I heard someone yelling, "free Willy" I woke up.

J and I have only taken him to Six Flags once. I was at my heaviest at the time, and I was not able to ride any of the rides. I remember it was extremely hot that July day. I had a river of sweat underneath my armpits, and boobs. I waddled around from seat to seat while my poor baby rode a few rides with his daddy. I was miserable and only to anxious to get out of there. I know A would have had much more fun, if it were not for me.

In my dark days of depression and craziness, there have been times I have wished I would die. I thought I was such a drag to J and A, they would be better off without me. I decided I was never going to lose weight and killing myself slowly anyway, but J always lovingly reassured me that it would kill him to lose me.

A has always been such a kind hearted little man. He's always so conscious of what he says to me about my weight and/or appearance. He will never say (even to this day) someone is fat....not even me when I weighed 347 pounds. He knew how much the ridicule about my weight hurt me and he never wanted to hurt me, or anyone else for that matter. He has been taught from an early age, that appearance is not the important thing about a person. It's only the inside and condition of the heart that really matters. I have never heard my child say anything derogatory about someone's appearance. He's a little sweetheart!!

I am so thankful to have been blessed with such a loving husband and son!! I am also thankful I woke up in time to put on my big girl panties before it was too late. I finally faced the fact I had to lose weight or I was heading for the cemetery.

So, as 2010 comes to an end and we embark on the unknown adventures of 2011, please won't you join me in losing weight and getting healthy? I am looking forward to what 2011 has in store for me. I know I will meet my goal this next year. I did it in time to save my live so won't you please do it before it's too late for you!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

December Weigh-in(s) & Family Matters

2010-12-30T16:53:00.003-06:00

Hey y'all! Well, I can hardly believe a month has almost passed since my last blog post. I have been working 7 days a week for the entire month. I finally finished the HUGE project I was working on yesterday afternoon. Then last night I received a phone call from my boss telling me I should take today and Monday off work in appreciation for all of my hard work. That was a wonderful surprise!! Of course, I readily accepted his generous offer!! So, here I am all alone at home with no work from the office to catch up on!!

So much has happened this month. The entire fixed asset department in the company where I work was laid off except for me. As a matter of fact, today was their official last day at work. (This is the reason for my having to work non-stop the past month.) However, I have a feeling although the end of year close will be horrific, things are sure to get better really soon! I have faith that things will improve shortly!

In spite of all of the craziness in my life right now, I have still stuck on course and followed my plan of eating 1,200 calories per day. However, the exercise has been on the backseat lately. I hope to step it up in the next few weeks. As my little drill sergeant, A, says "You would lose weight a whole lot faster if you would exercise more!" I know he's right!

Here's the results of my weigh-ins for the month of December:

Dec 6th - Week 68 (2.25) 211.50
Dec 13th Week 69 +0.25 211.75
Dec 20th Week 70 (3.75) 208.00
Dec 27th Week 71 ----     208.00

So, I've lost a total of 5.75 pounds during the month of December. (This shows me the importance of posting regularly. I actually thought I had lost more weight!) It was obviously a slow month in the weight loss department for me. I'm sure part of the slow loss is due to the fact of my schedule. I have spent the majority of my time sitting in a chair at work, or in front of the computer at home. I haven't been exercising like I should be doing, nor have I been drinking my water, especially on the weekends.

I was hoping to make it under 200 by the first of the year, but it didn't happen! Oh, well, I know I will make it....it just didn't happen this week!

As for this weekend, J's parents are coming for a visit. Our son, A, has been at their house since the middle of December. They are bringing him home tomorrow. My brother-in-law & his family (Ray, Sheri & Brooke) are also coming up from Waco tomorrow. We're planning a big dinner on Saturday night at J's aunt's house who happens to live in a nearby town. I am really looking forward to this weekend. We haven't all been together in ages!! I'm really excited!!

There will be lots of good food to eat, I know. I have already started planning on what will be there for me...without going crazy. Here's what we're having for dinner on Saturday night:

brisket
rotisserie chicken
cheesy potato casserole
beans
macaroni & cheese
fruit salad
yeast rolls
banana split cake
pies & other desserts

I am bringing the chicken because since I've been losing weight, I haven't been eating much beef. Actually, I've never been a big fan of beef, but did eat it on occasion. A is a chicken man himself, just like his mom.

I know we all live extremely busy lives. I know my family sure does!   Anyway, I'm very happy that so many in our little family are making the effort to be here this weekend. As I know all too well, something can happen to any one of us at any given time.

My mom was only 58 when she died in July 2000. My dad was only 67 when he died in December 2006.    (J will be 52 in May. It's really sobering to me to think my mom was only 6 years older than J when she passed away.) Then there's my brother-in-law, Joey. He was only 2 months younger than me. He passed away in June 2008, when he was only 44 years old.

I think it's imperative to spend as much time together as a family as possible because friends come and go in life, but family is forever!!! We should all be there for each other at every available occasion. We should view our family as precious and never, ever take each other for granted, because you never know when you may lose someone you love!!

I am making it a priority to start regularly posting again!! I know you must be thrilled! :-)

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

(By the way, look for updated pictures next week!)

Week 67 Weigh-In & Biometric Testing

2010-12-01T00:13:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all. Well, here I sit at 11:30pm on Tuesday evening. Everyone in the house, including our dog, is sound asleep. However, I am once again wide awake, staring at the flickering computer screen. I haven't been blogging often, I know, but I have been on the computer working on a family genealogy project.

The last few weeks I have been under tons of stress and working some crazy hours. The only time I have found for myself, to do something I enjoy, is late at night after the family is in bed. My aunt, (My mom's sister, who passed away exactly two months before my mom.) started this family genealogy project. I worked on it really hard for a long time. However, it was put on the back burner about 8 years ago. Now, my interest has been rekindled and I have started actively researching our family tree. I have always loved history, and I really enjoy finding some long, lost, obscure relative.

In spite of all the craziness in my life, at least my week is off to a good start!! J started a new job yesterday. So far, so good!! He has been so much happier the past two days. I'm very happy for him. At his previous job, he had been bringing home less than minimum wage due to being back-flagged on just about everything he touched lately. This has been going on since summertime. After his two hospital stays, it had only gotten worse. J is such a sweetheart. The fact his job situation has been on the rocks lately has really been depressing him. I have a good job, but can't support us in the manner we've become accustomed. (i.e. make the mortgage payment, pay the bills and buy groceries....all the luxuries in life!) Hopefully, he will continue to be happier and do well at his new job.

Now for the results of my 67th week weigh-in:

I lost 2 pounds this week! WooHoo! Yay me! This brings my total weight loss to 133.25 pounds! I currently weigh 213.75. Only 8.75 pounds to go to reach my next 10% mini-goal. Also, dare I say it???? Only 14 pounds to go to make it to ONEDERLAND!!!!!

Even more exciting to me is the fact I only have 78.75 pounds to go to reach the finale!! Oh my!!! I can't believe it. I know to many people 79 pounds is a LOT of weight to lose, but I feel I'm on the downhill slide now. When I finally reach my goal, I may decide to lose about 10 extra pounds.

Why you may ask? (Or may not.)

Yes, I may increase my goal due to two little words.....

biometric testing.

My employer is changing our health insurance and is starting to offer a high deductible, health savings plan. In order to qualify for the lowest rates, we have to agree to undergo biometric testing. We will originally be tested in March 2011. However, we will not be penalized in 2011, but they will give us the results and tell us where we need to improve to get the lowest rates possible. Then, in 2012 we will have to submit to biometric testing again. This time the results will have a direct impact on our premiums. Those with better health will have much lower deductibles than those who smoke, or have poor health.

One of the qualifications is to have and maintain a BMI in the healthy range. When I reach my original goal of 135 pounds, I will be in the healthy range. However, I will be at the upper end of the range. So, I'm thinking I may add another ten pounds to my goal, in order to put myself on the lower end of the healthy BMI range. I don't know for sure. I may change my mind when I reach my goal, but that is what I'm thinking right now...at midnight!

As my mom used to say, "See by the moonlight, it's almost midnight, and I should have been in bed over an hour ago."

Mom was right, (Well, actually it's past midnight.) I should have been in bed over an hour ago!!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!!

Weigh-In Update & Mama's Going Shopping!!

2010-11-23T00:28:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all. I can't believe the end of November is around the corner. Where does the time go? My mom used to always say "the older you get the faster time goes." I couldn't comprehend at the time exactly what her words meant, but the older I get, the more I understand the meaning of her words. After I had A, time just seemed to be set on fast forward. Now, here he is 10 years old and it seems like yesterday when he came into this world. He's growing into a little man!

The past few days, I've been thinking about the beginning of my journey. My D-day was August 17, 2009. In some ways, my journey feels like it began yesterday. I look at the progress I've made and it seems almost unbelievable to me. The changes I've made in just a little over 15 months is amazing. My blood pressure is not only normal now, but I'm off all my blood pressure medication. My cholesterol is normal, too. The only meds I still take are for my thyroid and I suppose I'll be on those for the rest of my life.

I finally gave in and went shopping this past weekend. I haven't bought very many clothes and most of them are hanging off of me. A "1/2 of 1/2 Name Brand Clothing" opened last week in my neighborhood and I had to go check it out on Saturday. They have some wonderful deals. If you've never heard of 1/2 of 1/2, I'm sorry, but you don't know what you're missing!

I got a brand new 3 piece, red and black Kasper skirt suit for $64. It was originally marked as $280. I saw an Anne Klein coat for $45. I need a new coat and was tempted to buy it, but I restrained myself. Later that evening I saw a coat very similar to that one at Macy's for $380. My hubby encouraged me to go back to 1/2 of 1/2 to buy it, but I didn't.....yet! :-) (I do have to confess, I did buy myself a leather jacket, but I only paid $29 for it, so I don't feel guilty about spending the money on myself!)

1/2 of 1/2 has sizes up to 5x. True the large sizes are limited, but there are some available. They get new shipments of stock in on Wednesdays, so there's always something different available. I think the more weight I lose, the more I'll be hanging out at 1/2 of 1/2.

J and A went shopping with me. As A began to complain, like most 10 year old boys are sure to do when accompanying their mom's shopping, J reassured him by saying, "Son, I hate to tell you this, but this is only the beginning. Your mom needs new clothes, and the more weight she loses, the more she will have to shop." (He makes it sound like a chore!)

Oh, poor pitiful me, I'm going to have to shop, again! LOL....actually I love to shop. The more weight I lose, the more I enjoy it.

One of the fun things about shopping, at least to me, is seeing what sizes I can now wear. I didn't really have a clue as to what size I am in now. My bottom is much larger than my top, so it's hard to find things that fit. However, I am now in a size 18....even in pants. I couldn't believe it! I figured I was about a 20 in pants, but I was able to wear a size 18 in dress pants and jeans.

When I wrote my last post I was excited about my weigh-in the next day. I was actually looking forward to seeing what the scales had to say. Well, I won't keep you in suspense any longer. Here are the results of my last two weigh-ins.

November 15 - Week 65 (3.25) 218.25
November 22 - Week 66 (2.50) 215.75

My next mini-goal is 205, so I only need to lose about 11 more pounds to reach it!! WooHoo! Also, I was hoping to be under 200 by our wedding anniversary on January 15th, but I know even if I don't make it by our anniversary....I will be in Onederland soon!!! I can't wait!!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

One Day at a Time

2010-11-14T21:07:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all! I don't know about y'all, but I'm loving the cooler temperatures, and already dreading the really cold stuff. I guess I'm just a little spoiled, having lived in Texas the majority of my life, where if it's 50° we start pulling out the coats, and boots. When J and I married almost 18 years ago, I didn't even own a coat!! You better betcha after moving to Okieland, where we lived the first 13 years, a coat was one of the first things I bought for myself.

I actually did buy a coat a few years ago. We made a trip at the end of 2008 down to the River Walk in San Antonio and I bought my new coat for the trip. However, of course I promptly forgot to pack it! Good thing the temperatures were just on the cool side. Sweaters (and 347 pounds of fat) were enough to keep me warm.

So, now that I've been losing so much weight, the coat I bought for our trip is swallowing me alive! Even though the temperatures are mild, I freeze all the time. I think fat must be wonderful insulation. Now, that I'm losing the fat, I'm losing my protective insulation and the result is feeling cold all the time.

Fat is also a wonderful wrinkle filler. I never had any noticeable wrinkles until now. When I look in the mirror these days, I could swear it's my mom looking back at me. Man I look OLD these days!! I don't think there's enough Oil of Olay in the free world to fill these cracks and crevices!

So, I guess if you're looking for excuses not to lose weight, this could be two of them.  Fat makes wonderful insulation and is a marvelous wrinkle filler.

On the other hand, being overweight can kill you. When I was at my largest, 347 pounds, I was absolutely miserable 24/7. I know you've all heard the story, but here it goes again.....I had uncontrollable high blood pressure, my cholesterol was high, I was bleeding from places I ought not, and my knees and hips were giving out and making it extremely painful and difficult to walk.

In other words, I might have been warm and wrinkle free, but I was killing myself. What good is it going to do to look "good" in your casket?

Well, I know I haven't been a very diligent writer, but things have been very chaotic for me, and as a result other things have occupied my mind. However, my hubby suggested I start blogging regularly again. He said he thought it really helped me to "let it all out". (Well, I promise I won't ever let it ALL out! There are somethings that just aren't fittin' to be discussed in "public".

(I feel like Bennett Brauer using all of the quotation marks!)

A little over a month ago, the other three accountants in my department were told their positions were being terminated. I have the least seniority, (One has worked at this company for 12 years, and the other two have worked there for 5 years.) but the company chose to keep me. Their decision has stirred up a lot of anger from two of those being let go. Although I'm thankful I still have a job, my work environment has been HORRIBLE lately.

The "funny" thing is....I feel terrible for them all. I didn't ask to stay. There are rumors going around the office as to why I'm the chosen one, but all I can say about that is....don't believe everything you hear!

The stress I've been under due to all the changes and the attitudes of some in my department, plus the situation with J's illness a few weeks back and our financial situation, caused me to start having anxiety attacks. It started out as chest pains, and I was having some small sharp pains in my head. However, the doctor feels it's just anxiety. Needless to say, I've felt like poo!

In the past, I would have used this situation as an excuse to comfort myself with food. However, this time around I REFUSE to eat myself into oblivion. I have been trying to deal with my problems instead of eating them away. Although I haven't had much sleep in the past 5 weeks, I have stuck to my plan. I'm just taking it one day at a time!

It's true I did fall back into my wayward ways a few weeks ago. Nevertheless, after my "come to Jesus meeting" I had with myself, I got back on track. I have not wavered off course, again!!

I know I cannot control the circumstances around me, but I can control how I react to them. I can control what passes through my lips, and onto my hips. I WILL NOT go back to my old ways. I WILL reach my goal! I WILL get healthy! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!

I've been so sidetracked I didn't even mention it when I made it to my mini-goal. 228 was my mini-goal and I didn't even realize I reached it!   I guess it's kind of a good thing, because now my next mini-goal is that much closer! My next 10% mini-goal is to lose 23 pounds (from 228) making my weight 205. WooHoo! Now, that's a number I haven't seen in ages!

Now for the results of my past three weeks weigh-ins:

Week 62 - (3.00) 224.50
Week 63 - (2.50) 222.00
Week 64 - (0.50) 221.50

I am actually looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in!!! I hope to be under 220 pounds tomorrow!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today (or tonight)!

61st Week Weigh-In - Back on Track

2010-10-24T13:44:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. Well, things are finally back on track. I have a handle, (sort of) on my binge eating. Oh, I'm still struggling with feeling the urge to overindulge, but haven't given in to the impulse again.

Why is it so hard to learn how to deal with emotions without food?

When I'm under major stress, what do I want to do? I want to eat. I'm not talking about healthy options either. I start fantasizing about things fried, covered in gravy. I start drooling at the idea of eating sweets; especially chocolate. Here lately, I've been under tremendous stress and have had to constantly struggle with these ingrained tendencies to eat unhealthy foods for comfort.

I try to be careful not to use food as a reward or to comfort A when he's having a bad day. I don't want him to repeat the sins of his mother.

I have made a promise to myself to never give up in my war against fat. I know I can and will succeed, in spite of taking a detour, I am back on the road toward health and happiness!!

Now for the results of last week's weigh in:

I lost 4 pounds last week!!!! WooHoo!!! Yay me!! I not only lost the last three pounds of what I had gained back when I took the detour, but I lost one additional pound!!

As of last Monday I weigh 227.50 pounds!! I am anxiously awaiting tomorrow's weigh-in!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

60th Week Weigh-In - I've Had the Power All Along!

2010-10-14T12:15:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! I would like to thank all of you for your words of encouragement and support after my last post. So much has happened since then....it's a little overwhelming.

My last post was on Wednesday, October 6th. I was feeling down due to all of the chaos in my life. My 10.5 pound gain earlier that week did little to lift my spirits and cheer me up. Little did I know as of that afternoon my life would be much crazier than I could have ever imagined.

I don't really feel comfortable discussing everything on a public blog, but the craziness and chaos is due to restructuring (We all know that word is NEVER a good word!) at my place of employment. All I feel comfortable saying as of now is I still have a job....at least for now.

Now normally, in the past, this kind of news would cause me to hit the drive-thru at the fast food joint of my choosing. However, after the news broke I felt sick inside. It was like a wake up call to me. I had still been binge eating. I was eating just about everything I could find that was edible. However, that afternoon I finally realized something....like Dorothy, I've had the power all along.

This is what I finally realized.....

I cannot control most things in life. However, I CAN control what passes through these lips. I CAN take control of my eating. I CAN control how I react to things that happen to me or around me.

Food is NEVER the answer. The problems are still there and have to be dealt with eventually. Food may be a numbing agent, but like any drug the effects wear off and the side effects can be devastating.

So, last Wednesday I made a fresh start. I decided not to let my temporary backslide become a permanent one. I took control of my eating!!

Now for the results of this week's (my 60th) weigh-in....

I lost 7.50 pounds this week!!! WooHoo!! Yay me. This brings my weight back down to 231.50. I still need to lose 3 pounds to get back to where I was before I began backsliding. However, I know I can and will make it!!!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading my ramblings and offering me much needed encouragement and support.

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

Weigh-In - I'm Not Perfect....and It's Shows

2010-10-06T12:12:00.002-05:00

Hey y'all. I feel like I have been so out of touch with things lately. My husband has been back in the hospital since my last post. Last Tuesday he began passing blood and blood clots. It got so bad that the clots blocked his urinary tract and the doctor advised us to go immediately to the emergency room at 4:30am on Wednesday. We spent the next three days at the hospital. My younger sister came up from Waco to make sure A made it to school, but I stayed at the hospital with J. Due to the bleeding situation I didn't want to leave him. A nurse came into the room with a message for us on Thursday. She said, "I don't know anything about this, but I was asked by the E/R doctors to relay a message to you." After getting our curiousity up, she simply stated, "After you're released, you need to make an appointment with your family doctor for a bone scan." I'm not sure what that's about. J's mother has severe arthritis as well as multiple other ailments, but I don't know if this is related to a hereditary medical issue or not.

J was released on Friday evening around 7pm. I have had little sleep since that time. He is up and down at all hours of the night. He is still having some blockage due to blood clots which is the reason he keeps getting up throughout the night. He is going to be off work for the next two weeks so he has the chance to sleep throughout the day. However, a co-worker generously brought me work to do at the hospital and over the weekend. So, although we got to sleep at home on Friday night, I ended up working all day on Saturday and on Sunday evening. I went back to work at the office on Monday. I have huge bags and dark circles under my eyes that no amount of concealer in the free world is going to hide. I have been crying at work, at home, on the drive to and from work, etc. Not so much from worry, but just due to stress and exhaustion. I have been sick to my stomach and broken out in hives since he first got sick.

J has not been getting paid for all of his time off work. His company has PTO (paid time off), but it's lousy. He gets a total of 10 days for an entire year, including vacation, sick time, personal time, etc., which he used up rather quickly. So, of course now we're behind on everything. Oh well, like my mom used to say..."they can't get blood out of a turnip." I've been worried about our house and the other creditors, but although nice, it's all just material things. We can always go back to living in an apartment. We can sit and sleep on the floor for all I care at this point!! As long as the 3 of us are together, I really don't care where we live!

As my sister told me when she was tired of my whining, "it could always be worse". She's right. I keep trying to remind myself that we've actually got it good. We're all three alive, and for the most part relatively healthy. Up until this episode with J, he had not been to a doctor in years. I've got a good job and a boss that is willing to work with me when it comes to needing time off to take care of personal issues. J's job is decent and more importantly he's employed which we're thankful for in this economy!

Well, during all of this time I have stuck to my eating plan religiously (other than the one slip up after J's last hospitalization). However, this time....I failed miserably!!

At first I was really trying to make good choices. However, that hospital had such limited choices for healthy eating. I know I'm just making excuses, because I could have eaten yogurt and Nutri-Grain bars and fruit. I just didn't want to eat that for 3 days. The first hospital he was in had the calorie content posted on some of the items, but this hospital did not have the calories on anything. At breakfast they served a lot of things like bacon, sausage, ham, eggs, cheese, and bread. At lunchtime, it was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, fried chicken, etc. For dessert, they had cheesecake drizzled in chocolate sauce and sprinkled with walnuts. I ended up giving in and eating whatever was convenient. I found myself munching mindlessly even when I was not hungry.

This hospital even had a Starbucks. I have to confess I had only had Starbucks on one other occasion. However, I went to Starbucks 3 times during the past week. I went alone twice at the hospital and on Friday evening after we got back home, my sister took A and I to the Starbucks down the street from our house. The sad/funny thing is......I HATE COFFEE! I hate the smell and the taste of all things coffee. So why in the world was I inexplicably drawn to Starbucks??? I think it's due to the sweetness of the drinks I indulged in. I drank one grande Mocha Frappuccino, one grande Iced White Chocolate Mocha, and one venti Tazo Green Tea Creme Frappuccino.

During all of this overindulgence, I found all of my old cravings creeping back into my mind. One night I couldn't sleep because I was obsessed with Chick-Fil-A. I was plotting and planning my attack on a couple of Chick-Fil-A sandwiches and waffle fries. (The sad thing is Chick-Fil-A does have lower calorie choices, but I didn't want any of it. I had my mind set on two regular Chick-Fil-A sandwiches and waffle fries, so that's what I ate!) I have eaten pizza, breadsticks, french fries, fried chicken, etc. The list goes on and on.

As a result, this week I had a rather large gain. Here are my results from my last two weigh-ins:

Week 58 9/27 (0.50)
Week 59 10/4 +10.00 239.00

Yes, you read that right. I gained TEN pounds over the course of the past week, I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true!

I have felt overwhelmed with sadness and I'm eating my feelings instead of dealing with them. I'm afraid I'm losing control and it's a feeling I don't like at all. I know I have to get a grip because the pounds are coming right back on....and much faster than I've been losing lately. I never want to end up back where I was, at 347 pounds and knocking on death's door. However, I just can't seem to get a grip on myself!

Hopefully, I will be able to get a handle on this soon! I've just never learned to deal with my emotions.

So, that's what's been going on with me! I hope you are more successful in your journey than I seem to be at the moment!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

Peeing Skittles

2010-09-23T13:45:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. Well, since Monday's post we've been back at the hospital. J had an appointment on Monday with his urologist and was told his kidney stone needed to come out sooner rather than later. (He still has the infection, but it is slowly getting better. He will be on antibiotics for another 9 days.) Anyway, I drove him to the hospital on Tuesday morning and spent the entire day sitting and waiting. About 3:30pm they allowed me to go see him. They removed the stent from his kidney which was inserted last week, zapped the stone with a laser, and re-inserted another stent to allow him to pass the particles of the zapped stone.

When I walked in the room he was drinking cranberry juice with a grin on his face. He suddenly started singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in a really loud voice. At first I thought I had walked into a karaoke bar on a Saturday night, but realized he was on some powerful pain medications. I asked him why he was singing that particular song and he replied, "Well, they told me I would be peeing in color." I just laughed, but he said some new medication they had him on would make his urine turn orange. He then made a comment, something to the effect, "As long as I don't start peeing Skittles, I'll be okay."

The silliness continued until later that afternoon when the pain medication finally wore off. He hasn't been walking around singing much since then. Poor baby.

In my last post I talked about my binge episode last Friday night. It was horrible. I ate anything and everything I could get my hands on including fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, banana nut muffins, macaroni and cheese, a chocolate chip cookie, and lots of chocolate. No matter what I ate or how much I consumed I didn't feel full. I usually don't have a lot of things like this in the house, but when I do I can normally control my impulse to eat them.  However, I guess due to all the stress and lack of sleep I've been experiencing lately I caved in to my desire to comfort myself with food.

While I was stuffing my face, I didn't feel guilty or full, I just felt numb. After eating for an eternity, my stomach suddenly began to hurt terribly. You would have thought that would be a signal for me to stop. Instead, I waited for about 30 minutes and picked right back up with the eating, except now I was hitting the candy.

After eating until I could barely breathe, I finally stopped. I woke up suddenly and asked myself what I was trying to do. I then began to cry. I was wondering why I was trying to punish myself and sabotage all of my hard work.

A began to cry, too. He told me he didn't want me to gain my weight back and die. It just about broke my heart!!

Then and there I made a promise to myself that I would not let this stop me from reaching my goal. I made my mind up to go to the store the very next morning to re-stock my shelves with healthy choices for me. (I had not been to the store in more than a week and was out of a lot of things I normally eat.)

On Saturday morning, I had an appointment with my doctor. She was very complimentary on my progress with my weight-loss. She had no idea I had been binge eating just hours earlier, but she showered me with her praise on the success I've been having on the scales. The vampire nurse took the usual blood samples from me and I was hoping my cholesterol didn't reflect all the things I had stuffed myself with the day before. (On a side note, my blood work came back normal. Also, the good doctor took me off the diruetic I was on for my blood pressure, too. My BP was 99/66 and my heart rate was 56!)

As soon as I left the good doctor's office, I headed straight for the grocery store. I stocked up on a lot of different things for me to eat. And, since that horrible day, last Friday, I have been back on the proverbial wagon.

So many times friends and family have commented about my "willpower".  I find the assumption that I have one iota of willpower to be hilarious. The fact that anyone would think I have real willpower is delusional.

Willpower is defined as "control of one's impulses and actions; self-control."

I think my eating episode last Friday proves the point that I do not have real willpower. I do not have self-control and I certainly cannot completely control my impulses and actions especially during stressful situations.

Many people use the excuse that they can't lose weight due to a lack of willpower.

However, while I don't have real willpower, I do think I have the determination to succeed. I have repeatedly stated my belief that this battle is 90% mental. I think you have to make your mind up that you can and will succeed.   You have to be firm in your resolve to do whatever is needed in order for you to reach your goals.

Also, you cannot allow one mis-step or even multiple mis-steps as an excuse to give up.

This binge eating episode I experienced this past week scared me. It made me realize that in spite of how far I've come, I still have a LONG way to go. I saw how easy it would be for me to allow myself to fall right back into my old, bad habits. I know I could fall again at any time. The difference is this time I have the soundness of mind and resolve to get up and try again.

I hope I am setting the example to all of you who may have fallen down and feel there is no hope. As long as there is breath in your body, there is always hope. Falling down on occasion should not paralyze you with the fear that you cannot be successful or cause you to give up on yourself. When you fall down, be determined to get back up, brush the crumbs off your mouth, and resolve to try again.

Until tommorow....have a wonderful day!!

Getting Caught Up & Weigh-In

2010-09-20T10:11:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all. First of all, I would like to say "THANK YOU" to all of my readers who have commented on my blog, emailed me, etc. about my progress so far. I really appreciate you taking an interest in my journey and I hope I can provide inspiration to you by sharing my story. One of the reasons I started this blog in the beginning was to hold myself accountable in front of a public audience and to inspire others to take control of their life before it's too late.

I know we all live in very stressful times. I feel it, too. We struggle constantly with finances, problems at work, family issues, and even time management. I find it difficult to find time to do everything I need/am supposed to do. Sometimes it just seems like there's not enough hours in the day.

I know I have been kind of hit and miss with my postings lately, but a lot has been happening in my life. Since my last post I've been involved in a car accident, broken out in hives and spent several nights in the hospital. (All unrelated incidents!) From time to time we all have bad things happen to us. It's just the way it is in this world we live in today.

For instance, on August 20th my family was on the way to attend our District Convention in downtown Ft. Worth in a car like this one:

and was suddenly hit by a car like this one:

The family inside the car was also headed to our District Convention in downtown Ft. Worth. They were behind us at a light. We turned left into the left lane. They turned left into the right lane. There were parked cars in the street in the right lane. The driver of the other car admitted he did not see us. They hit us when they were attempting to change lanes. However, their insurance company (and the other family involved) both say it was our fault. They claim we turned into the oncoming traffic and changed lanes into theirs. This is not possible, since there were cars coming from the other direction and we were not hit head on. Anyway, long story short, we're out $500 for our deductible. At least no one was hurt. As a matter of fact, the other family involved invited us out to dinner the following night. We had never even met before this incident. Even though we don't agree as to who was at fault, we still went to eat with them.

The Tuesday following Labor Day, I had a sore throat, headache, began to run a fever and broke out in hives. My son missed two days of school, because he was also sickly. I still don't know what caused my hives. I lived on Benydryl and Ibuprofen for 3 days.

On Thursday of that same week, my husband began to complain of a backache. By Friday morning it was apparent he needed medical attention. I took him to the local Doc in a Box. After running blood tests, they told me to take him to the ER of a nearby hospital. After staying in the ER all day, while hubby was being poked and prodded, we were told he had a kidney stone. They gave us 3 prescriptions and sent us home. Over the weekend I could tell there was something really wrong with him. He was shivering and shaking all night Saturday. By Sunday evening, he was running a temperature of 105.9°. I called the ER and was told to give him four Ibuprofen and bring him in to the hospital. About 12:30am on Monday morning, he was admitted to the hospital. A and I slept on a pull out sofa bed in J's room. At 7:00am on Monday morning a kidney stent was put in J's left kidney. Apparently the stone was blocking the flow of urine and it backed up into his kidney which caused major swelling. The urine backed up into his bloodstream and caused sepsis. The stent was inserted to allow the infection to drain. He was released from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon. The stone is still sitting there. It cannot be removed until the infection is completely cleared. Poor hubby has been in pain and is still feeling poorly.

So, this is what's been going on with me the past month. I want to say thank you to all of you who have stuck by me. I have not given up on my journey!!! I have just been a little sidetracked the past month.

Here's the results of my weigh-ins:

8/23 (1.00) 234.00

8/30 (1.00) 233.00

9/6 (1.50) 231.50

9/13 - no weigh in due to being at the hospital

9/20 (2.50) 229.00

During all of this time I have been sticking to my plan to eat 1,200 calories per day until this past Friday. On Friday, I allowed the stress to hit me hard. Friends from our congregation have been bringing food to the house to help us out. I have done a fairly decent job of controlling myself. However, on Friday I guess everything started to get to me. I started eating and could not stop! No matter how much I ate, I didn't feel full. I just kept stuffing my face. I will tell you more details about what's happened since last Friday in tomorrow's post!

Sorry to go on and on. I have a lot to say and it's been such a long time since I've had the time to sit down and write a post!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

My Year in Pictures - The Incredible Shrinking Woman

2010-08-19T18:30:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! Well, it's finally time for the long awaited and much anticipated "Year in Pictures". To be perfectly honest with you, I had difficulty finding very many pictures of myself. So, really the title of this post is misleading. It's not the year in pictures, but more like the past 20 months in pictures.

Scroll down to see the amazing shrinking woman

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Me, in December 2008, on a family vacation in San Antonio, TX. Although I was miserable, I wouldn't be motivated to take action until 8 months later! (All I can say now is WOW!)

J, A and I on vacation in San Antonio. We were at the Alamo, hence A's coonskin cap! Cute as he was, my eyes are immediately drawn to the fat lady in blue sitting on top of him!

Standing behind me is my little sister, Regina. (Look at her....she really is my LITTLE sister!) Beside Regina, is our friend, Lisa and sitting beside me is our friend, Becky.

This lovely picture was taken in Ft. Worth, TX., on Memorial Day Weekend 2009. During this trip, we went to the zoo and I thought I was going to die. I made it most of the day, but when we were leaving I could not breathe. I experienced something like an asthma attack. I couldn't breathe, and stood for what seemed like an eternity gasping for air. Even though it scared me and terrified my friends and family, I still did nothing about my weight!

Another picture of my family taken in May 2009 during our Ft. Worth trip. Notice my "shelf" aka 2nd row of boobs!!

Me, pictured with my friend Charlotte in July 2009. At least standing up in this picture my "shelf" wasn't noticeable!

Finally.......the journey begins.....

Me with my niece, Mallory, at our district convention in Ft. Worth. This picture was taken on August 21, 2009. I started my journey on August 17, 2009, so this pretty much what I looked like when I began to reclaim my life!

Oh, wow! This brings back some memories. The seats at the convention center measure 17 inches across. Notice how I was wedged in that chair! I hurt everywhere by the end of the day, and I do mean EVERYWHERE!

Taken September 28, 2009, about six weeks into my journey.

Taken November 9, 2009 at around 16 weeks into my journey.

Taken November 28, 2009 while visiting the Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge in Lawton, Oklahoma. (I love wearing black!)

Another more close-up picture from November 28, 2009.

Taken January 23, 2010 at dinner celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary. (Our anniversary is actually January 15th.) Finally, I'm beginning to notice a difference!

Taken March 27, 2010 in Denton, TX. Pictured with me is my son A and friend, Charlotte.

Taken April 3, 2010. Pictured with J's nephew, Coulston and his fiancé, Angelica, at their wedding shower. (They got married on May 16, 2010.)

This picture was taken April 24, 2010. Pictured with my sister, Regina.

Taken July 4, 2010. Again, with Regina.

And now..........here it is.........what you've all been waiting for......me today.

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(These pictures were literally taken today....August 19, 2010. I'm including several shots so you can really see what I look like now.) I know how thrilled you all must be! LOL

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So, there you have it....my year (or 20 months as the case may be) in pictures.

I am living proof that it IS possible to lose weight and get healthy. I seriously used to use every excuse in the book. If you are hesitating about taking your life back, STOP THE HESITATION NOW!! (Sorry for the yelling, but I cannot emphasize this enough through typing!)

Getting healthy should mean everything to you, because after all, it may mean your life!!

Well, I hope you enjoyed watching the incredible shrinking woman as she wasted away from 347 pounds to 235 pounds right before your very eyes!

I still need/want to lose an additional 100 pounds! Please, stay tuned to watch my amazing transformation!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Week 52 Weigh-In - What a Difference a Year Makes

2010-08-17T14:00:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! Well, I cannot believe it....it was EXACTLY one year ago today when I started down the road to better health and taking my life back. It literally brings tears to my eyes when looking back at what my life was like at this same time last year.

I was miserable. I was literally standing on the threshold of death. My blood pressure was raging uncontrollably. My cholesterol was high. My thyroid wasn't functioning. I was swelling and retaining so much fluid, I was worried about kidney or liver failure. I was having problems breathing. At times my throat would almost completely swell shut. I was having digestive problems, etc. I would wake in the middle of the night with horrible indigestion and acid reflux. (I have an ulcer and it had me in almost constant pain.) I was diagnosed with early signs of Macular Degeneration, probably caused by my extreme obesity and/or uncontrollable blood pressure. I was even bleeding from places I ought not. I was taking a lot of different medications to control my symptoms, some successful, some not.

My doctor was constantly preaching to me. She was continually telling me I was killing myself. Every time I saw her she told me I was going to die if I did not lose weight. I could see the frustration in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She would shake her head and say, "What am I going to do with you?" or "What are you going to do about your weight?"

I would just smile or laugh nervously at her remarks, but inside they cut like a knife. I mean, obviously, I KNEW I was fat. I KNEW I was morbidly obese. (Don't you just hate those words....morbidly obese? Morbid obesity is defined as a state of overweight so great that it prevents normal activity or bodily function and will likely cause a serious or life-threatening disorder. Although the words hurt, that definition fit me perfectly.) I mean after all, let's face it, I weighed 347 pounds, at 5'5" tall. My BMI was 57.7. I was morbidly obese.

Actually, even after a year, I'm still on the verge of morbid obesity. According to the Mayo Clinic, anyone with a BMI of 40 or more is morbidly obese. (Some sources say a BMI greater than 39 is morbidly obese.) It makes me cringe to think I still have such a long journey ahead of me. As of my weigh in yesterday, my BMI is at 39.10, so I'm definitely living on the edge.

Speaking of my weigh-in, here's my results for week 52:

I lost one pound this week. This brings my total weight loss to 112 pounds. Yay me!! WooHoo!! I currently weigh 235!!! I still want/need to lose an additional 100 pounds.

Boy, what a difference a year makes!! When I first began this journey, it was immediately before our annual district convention. The seats at the convention measure 17 inches across. (I actually had my husband carry a tape measure to verify this information!) He also measured my behind, (in the privacy of our home, not in front of the 8000+ people attending the convention) which measured a whopping 28 inches across. Did you catch that, it was 28 inches ACROSS, not around. I never took my measurements, so I don't really know how big I was at the time. But, (no pun intented) my behind was HUGE!

At the time, I described the feat of squeezing all of my glorious fat into that little 17 inch seat as the 8th wonder of the world. Well, this weekend it's once again time for our annual district convention. I am looking forward with anticipation, not only to the spiritual food I will be receiving, but also to see how my behind fits in those "little" seats now! ;-)

Tomorrow I will be posting the year in pictures, with updated progress pictures!! I know how thrilled you all must be at that idea!

Also, the theme of the year in review will continue this week. I have lots more to say on the subject, but do not wish to bore you to tears right now.

So,

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!!

It's Never Too Late to Take Your Life Back

2010-08-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far. It's been hard for me to get back into the swing of things. I'm feeling exhausted and wish I could take about a month off from work to recuperate, but cannot afford such a luxury. Anyway, I'm trying to get in bed at a decent hour and it is helping. LOL...actually last night we went to bed before 9:30!! I actually got some decent sleep last night, too. I feel better, but not great.

Yesterday I mentioned I got injured while in Waco. It's my right knee, again. We went to Applebee's for lunch on Sunday afternoon and we sat in a booth. When I slid across the booth and attempted to stand, something in my knee got pulled again. It hurt like crazy, but I was able to walk. However, after lunch we went by my sister's house to pack and load the car. While I was attempting to walk from the car across her patio, I felt something pull in my knee, again. This time I felt major pain. The longer the day went on....the more pain I felt. By the time we got home from Waco, which was around, 10:00pm, I could barely walk.

The next morning I got up to go to work, but was in horrible pain. I ended up taking another vacation day to rest on Monday. By Tuesday morning, I was still limping and in pain when moving my knee, but managed to get to work. However, by Tuesday afternoon, even after popping several Advil throughout the day, I was in terrible pain. I stayed off of it all night Tuesday. Everyday it's getting a little better, but it still hurts and I'm paranoid that the least little thing will set it off, again. I can still feel some minor pain and limp when I walk and will just have to be careful!

I guess that's what makes me mad. I feel like after losing more than 100 pounds I should be able to get around like I did when I was 20. I keep forgetting....I'm certainly no longer 20 and I still have over 100 pounds to lose. I have been feeling so much better physically, when something like this happens to me, it upsets me. It's very frustrating!!!

I think I look like Fred G. Sanford when I walk. (By the way, that's S-A-N-F-O-R-D period. I'm sure some of my younger readers have no idea who/what I'm referring to by that remark. It just shows my age!) I still weigh 236 pounds, and now have to swing my leg without bending when I walk. So, I can just imagine what those walking behind me must see. I just try not to think about it too much!

When I look back at how limited my mobility was this time last year, I am certainly grateful for how far I've come. For instance, in May 2009 I couldn't even walk around the Ft. Worth Zoo without feeling like I could die at any minute. In comparison, this past Saturday night I danced several dances with J and A at my in-law's 25th anniversary party. (One dance was even a fast dance, and I wasn't even winded when it was over!!) As a matter of fact, I was kind of sad that I didn't get to dance more. :-) (Hint, hint J!)

Also, I would like to thank each of you for reading my ramblings. I really appreciate you taking an interest in my weight loss journey. I hope I can inspire at least one other person to take action. Remember it's never too late to lose weight, get healthy and take your life back!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!

Pièce de Résistance

2010-08-11T17:35:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! I've been away for awhile and hope to get caught up with all of you soon. Life has been overwhelming for me lately. First of all, my job has been sucking the life out of me! Also, I have been hard at work on a video/slide show production for my brother-in-law & sister-in-law. There was an anniversary party in celebration of their 25th silver anniversary this past Saturday and my video was the pièce de résistance. (Well, it was for me at least!)

My sister-in-law is the one that introduced me to J back in 1993. She happens to be related to just about EVERYONE in Waco....except for my family. However, as my son pointed out, she's related to us, too....by marriage. When I was growing up I longed to belong to a big family, and her extended family was the one I wanted to be part of. I thought it would be really wonderful to have so many cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I'm sure their family is not perfect, but to me it appeared to be wonderful to be part of all the love they show for each other. She has a special place in my heart.....especially since I would have never met my husband had she not invited him to Waco to meet me.

Anyway, the party was really nice. There was food, music and dancing. The music was provided by my brother-in-law's band. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I know we sure did. I actually had the chance to dance with both my husband and son. I didn't get to dance as much as I would have liked, but I'll take what I can get!

I stayed away from the food. They served brisket, potato salad, baked beans, cake, and punch. However, I decided to opt for a Bacon Ranch Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing from McDonald's. I'm sure the food at the party was wonderful, but I have trouble controlling myself once I get started so I just totally avoid certain food whenever possible.

I have lots to update you on. I may even have a few progress pictures to post, but I don't want to bore you right now! I will post the results of my last several weigh-ins though:

Week 49 - July 26th - (1.00)
Week 50 - August 2nd - (1.00)
Week 51 - August 9th - (2.00)

I currently weight 236. I just realized next week will be my one year anniversary since I began losing weight. It's amazing to look back and see how far I've come in just 12 months. I know I'm not losing as fast as some of you are/have, but I'm losing weight and taking my life back and that's what is important to me!!

I think I will post some hideous before pictures and some current pictures when I update my weight for next week!

Also, I will update you more tomorrow. I have a little injury that happened in Waco and it's making me MAD!! More on that later, though!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

Who's That Lady?

2010-07-21T16:41:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all. Happy Hump Day!! Have you ever had a moment when you can't remember doing something that you just finished doing? No, just me, huh?

Well, I had a senior moment this morning! I turned out of our driveway/alleyway onto the street and couldn't remember closing the garage door. I absolutely have no memory of closing it. I went around the block to go back and double check that it was closed. I know we were up late last night at our house, but I must be in a fog. The garage door was down and I wasted about 5 minutes of my morning! Happy Wednesday to me!

Speaking of forgetting something....I've always thought of myself as unforgettable.....not necessarily in a good way either. Anyway, lately I've had numerous people that I see quite often come up to me and introduce themselves. In the beginning I thought it was some sort of inside joke or prank. Then on Saturday morning I said hello to someone I haven't seen in a while and after she spoke to me she turned to the person sitting next to her and asked, "Who is that?" I was surprised she didn't know me, because I've known her for about 2 1/2 years.

The next morning I asked the friend she was sitting next to about the fact she didn't know who I was and I was told, "She knows you, she just didn't recognize you. As a matter of fact, a lot of people don't recognize you any more. You look like a totally different person."

It's funny because I just don't see that I look THAT different. Oh, of course, I look thinner than I did a year ago, but I don't think it's that dramatic of a change.

However, I guess it must be more noticeable than I imagine. Over the July 4th weekend, we went to Waco to visit my family. We got there late on Friday night, but I visited with my sister for several hours. The next afternoon we went to the grocery store. (Speaking of grocery stores, do you have H-E-B. where you live? I think it is the most AWESOME grocery store ever!! I hated it when I moved to Oklahoma and couldn't find an H-E-B. When we moved back to Texas in 2006 I was so excited at the prospect of shopping in the store I've come to love, only to have my hopes and dreams crushed by the fact there's not an H-E-B. grocery store within 38.50 miles from me. We do have Central Market which is a swanky, upscale version of H-E-B, but I prefer the original.) Sorry, for the detour into the "deep" recesses of my mind!!

Anyway, my sister and I were shopping at her local H-E-B on a Saturday afternoon, and I happened to be standing right beside her. I saw her glance in my direction, but not say anything. I thought that was a little strange, and began to wonder if my bra straps were showing, or if I possibly had food wedged in my teeth. I wasn't sure how she would know if I had my breakfast/brunch stuck in my teeth, since I wasn't facing her or even looking at her at the time. Suddenly, she looked back at me and said, "Oh, I started to say something to you a minute ago, but when I looked at you I didn't even recognize you!"

I was totally surprised....how could she not recognize me? She's known me her whole life. Well, she probably really doesn't KNOW me. Afterall, who really KNOWS anyone? However, considering I had spent the night in her house, eaten breakfast with her and rode in her car sitting right beside her....how did she not recognize me when I was standing in her presence?

The next morning, she dropped my family off at the front door of her congregation while she found a parking spot. (Such a thoughtful, sweet, little sister!!) Anyway, I thought she was late coming in, but found out later when she came in the door which is in the rear of the building, she couldn't find us. Now, I thought I was HARD to miss, especially from my backside, but she said she didn't know who I was....even from behind. After wandering the aisles for a few minutes, she finally found us.

I will try to post some pictures in the next few days so you can be the judge of how much different I look today! You KNOW you want to see! :-)

So, if you've ever dreamed of changing your life or even possibly moving away and starting over, this could be your chance.

Just think...the next time you hear someone ask, "Who's that lady?", it could be YOU they're talking about!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!

Assertiveness Training for Southern Women

2010-07-20T15:07:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! Yesterday I was thrilled to announce I've made it to the half-way point in my journey. I feel a little shocked. I don't know why, I knew I would reach this milestone, but feel like it's just a dream. I haven't really absorbed the idea of a new me.

To tell you the truth, the idea of change has always scared me. I began thinking about this a couple of weeks ago when I posted "In Life the Only Thing Constant is Change." It may be in part due to my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but for the most part, I do not openly embrace change. Even when it comes to the small things in life, such as our furniture. Once it's in it's place, I don't like to move it. When I was younger, I was always moving my furniture around, but now I guess I'm just comfortable with the way things are in my life.

I think my desire to keep things the same in my life is one of the reasons I didn't take action to lose weight and keep it off. Yes, as I'm sure you all know, I have lost weight repeatedly over the course of my life, but even when I reached my goal the one time in the 90's I never felt comfortable with the "new" me. I felt awkward and out of place in my new thin body.

I am trying to deal with my tendency to fight change, because I am changing every day as my body is undergoing this major transformation. It's not only my outward appearance that has been going through this major metamorphosis, but my inner self is also beginning to change.

When I had my yearly evaluation at work a few weeks ago, "The Man" indicated he wanted me to work on being more aggressive.  (I think he meant assertive, but he said aggressive. Hmmm, I wonder if they offer assertiveness training for Southern women. But, that's a contradiction in terms isn't it? :-))

It's ironic...he just came up with the idea that I need to be more aggressive or assertive or whatever.   Especially since I've recently been displaying more aggressive/assertive behavior in the office. For instance, a few weeks ago, I was upset about some of the bureaucracy at work and I stood up for myself and a few others in the department. I stood up to "The Man" and "The Man's Man". I think they saw a side of me they had never had the privilege to witness before.   I basically called them out on some of their unfair practices. I was not afraid to tell them exactly what I thought. (Well, maybe not "exactly what I thought". I probably wouldn't be working here any longer if I told them "exactly what I thought". Let's just say they had a pretty good idea of what I thought when I was finished with them.)

In the past, I may have stood up to "The Man", but I would have NEVER stood up to "The Man's Man". I would have felt intimidated by his position and authority and would have let them walk all over me and then turned over so they could walk on my backside, too.

I've also been experiencing change in a few other areas of my inner psyche. One area is concerning my depression. As I've mentioned before I suffer from major, chronic depression. I have never been officially diagnosed as bipolar, but the doctor said I manifest symptoms of bipolar disorder. I also suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Attention Deficit Disorder. Not to make light of these problems, but I feel like I'm a hot mess of dysfunction and disorders.

Nevertheless, since I've been losing weight and working on myself, my depression is not as severe and I'm experiencing my episodes less frequently. Now, I want to clarify, I do not believe losing weight is a cure-all for depression. I am in no way inferring that. However, I do believe as I am losing weight, some of the clouds of depression are being lifted due to the changes inside of me. I feel I can see things more clearly for the first time in awhile. I still suffer from depression and probably always will, but there's a light inside of me that I thought was burned out years ago. Several of my friends have even noticed the changes in me. Several have commented about how much happier I look and one said I'm glowing. (No, not the pregnant kind of glowing!!!) On a side note, even the Weight Watchers Research Department has published articles about the link between depression and being overweight.

Well, the times they are a changin'!! Since I have been losing weight, my inner self is finding a voice. (I always assumed if I found an inner voice, it would come with multiple accompanying voices a la Sybil.) However, I am beginning to find I do have a single, inner voice and she has something to say. I am standing up and speaking up for myself in situations I would have remained silent in just a few years ago.

My inner voice still has more to say on this subject, but will spare you for now!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

47th & 48th Week Weigh-In - Half Way Home!!

2010-07-19T13:28:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! I realized this weekend I have been neglecting some things that are important to me, like this blog. I have been under a great amount of stress at work and I have let that interfere with keeping up with my blog. I have been working long hours and have been feeling a little burned out.

When I began this journey in August 2009, I set a goal for myself to blog daily during the week. I wanted to blog to put things in perspective for me. I wanted to work on getting healthy in body and mind. I wanted to find out why I had let myself balloon up to 347 pounds. I haven't been sticking with regular blogging for quite some time now. Well, the times they are a changing. I know I have to keep working on the inside of myself to get truly healthy. So, beginning today I am getting back to the basics. I will be blogging daily during the week. Who knows? I may even begin to blog on the weekend!! I know how thrilled you all must be!!

So, now for the long awaited and much anticipated results of my 47th & 48th week weigh-ins:

Week 47 - July 12th - (1.00)
Week 48 - July 19th (3.00)

Today's loss bring my total to 107 pounds gone forever!!! Today's loss brings me over the half way point in my journey!!! I want to lose a total of 212 pounds, so just another 105 to go!!!

WooHoo!! Yay me!!!

So my ringtone on my cell phone does say it best.....in the words of the great, Jon Bon Jovi......

"Whoa, we're half way there
Whoa, oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it I swear
Whoa, oh, livin' on a prayer"

I know I'll make it this time around!!! Being over the half-way point just reinforces my determination to succeed!!

I currently weigh 240 pounds. I need to lose an additional 12 pounds to reach my next 10% goal. I hope to have that accomplished by October 1st!!

Also, I have decided to check into joining Curves. I have been looking over their website this morning and hope to get some more information as to price, etc.

Even A has encouraged me to give Curves a call. He's such a sweetheart. He's truly concerned about my health and well being.

Can any of you out there provide any feedback on Curves? Or, if there's another gym you prefer, please let me know! I want to make a decision this week to do this for myself!

Also, I'm flattered to see I've reached 100 "followers". I hope I provide encouragement to all of you. I haven't been able to spend as much time as I would like commenting on your blogs, but I do read as much as I can. Thank you all for your continued support!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!!!

46th Week Weigh-In - Weekend in Review

2010-07-09T14:39:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far! Me, not so much! The short weeks at work are the worst. I'm always extremely busy after a long weekend. Plus, we're in the middle of our second quarter close and I constantly feel like I'm behind. Anyways, I hope you are all having a great week!

It was wonderful to go home over the holiday weekend. We arrived at my sister's house about 11:30pm on Friday night. I didn't eat before we left home, so we made a quick stop at McDonald's when we reached Waco. I had my usual Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken and Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing. I know I shouldn't eat that late at night, but we didn't have time before we hit the road south and I hate eating in the car when I'm trying to supervise J's driving!

We didn't get in bed until around 2:00am on Friday night/Saturday morning. I was up and about around 8:00am. We went and ate breakfast at I-HOP. I haven't eaten breakfast in a restaurant (other than Subway) since I began my journey. I didn't plan on eating anything, but after checking the menu, I found they actually had some low calorie choices. I chose the "Two x Two x Two for Me" which includes scrambled egg substitute, two strips of turkey bacon, and two buttermilk pancakes (no butter) and sugar free syrup. This choice is a little higher in caloric content (400 calories in the entire meal, with an additional 35 calories for the syrup.) than some of the other choices on the menu, but this meal was both breakfast and lunch, so I guess it was brunch. I felt like I was cheating!! I felt stuffed when I was about 3/4 of the way finished. I gave away 1 piece of my turkey bacon, and some of my eggs, but I felt "obligated" to polish off every single morsel of the pancakes! ;-) It was DELICIOUS!!

We stayed at my little sister's house, and she made sure I had plenty of low calorie choices during our time in Waco. On Saturday night a few friends came over to eat and play games. Regina (my sis) ordered some Subway platters. I ate a 4 inch turkey breast sub, 1 serving of Baked Tostitos, and salsa for dinner. There were tons of yummy looking desserts. I ate the most wonderful fruit salad, brought by my friend Terri. I ate about 1 cup of it!! (It was also low calorie.....thank you, Terri!!!)

Later that evening, after everyone played "The Game of Things: Humor in a Box", by Hasbro. (I had never even heard of this game, but it is HILARIOUS. It can be a little slow moving at times, especially in a large group, but I LOVED it!! I definitely recommend buying this game!) Anyway, as friends were beginning to leave I overheard a conversation about another wonderful dessert. After I found out it was made with low calorie/low fat ingredients I got about 1/3 cup of it to try it out. It was WONDERFUL!! (Thank you, Jason and Jennifer!) I was only able to eat about 3 bites, because I wasn't hungry in the least and it was really late!! However, I want to get that recipe!! A LOVED it, too!!

On Sunday morning, A was having trouble getting up and around. He kept complaining he had a headache. I thought, being such a "wonderful" mother, as myself, that he was just tired. I gave him something for his headache and we went to visit Regina's congregation meeting. Towards the end of the first hour, A began complaining that he was hot. (I was FREEZING!) Again, the wonderful mother that I am, told him to take his jacket off. He seemed better after that. When we got back to Regina's house, A fell asleep on the couch.

We went to J's brother and sister-in-law's house later that afternoon. A was acting fine when he first woke up from his nap, but as soon as we got to Ray and Sheri's house, he began acting whiny and listlessly. He didn't want to play, which is very unusual for him. Sheri let him lie down on their bed and watch TV. When I went to check on him, I felt his forehead. He felt hot, so I took his temperature. He was running 101.5° fever!! I know he felt terrible. Sheri gave him some Motrin and I stayed in their bedroom with him watching TV. After his fever broke he wanted to eat, so I made him a plate. He finished every bit of his food.

We got on the road to head back to our neck of the woods about 11:00pm that evening. A immediately feel asleep in the backseat. We had only been out of Waco for about 30 minutes, when I heard a noise coming from the backseat. I turned around in horror as I witnessed what my poor, sick baby was doing. I won't go into detail, but let's just say, in the boondocks it's hard to find a convenience store that sells Febreze, or even a store that's opened past midnight. Where was Wally World when we needed them?? The lady in the store wouldn't even allow him to come in to change clothes, which I thought was rude! I guess J and I looked like dangerous people who were using a kid covered in throw up as a decoy. We sat in the parking lot and J ended up taking A over behind a dumpster to change into clean clothes. He cleaned the backseat off as well as he could with paper towels and wet wipes. I had to try to keep the dog (I forgot to mention we took our dog with us, too.) calm and in the car. The dog did jump out of the car during all of this commotion, but thank goodness he minds fairly well and got right back into the car after being scolded by J.

We didn't get in bed until after 2:00am. J had to work on Monday and I know he was exhausted. A is better now, but I guess he was obligated to share his "love" (and germs) with dear, old mom. I have been ill all week. My throat is terribly sore and I was running fever last night. I'm still trudging along albeit unwillingly.

Now for the results of my 46th week weigh-in:

I lost 1.25 pounds this week. I currently weigh 244 pounds. Only 3 more pounds to reach the half-way point in my journey!! WooHoo!! Yay me!! I am so excited!! If you told me last year I would weigh 244 pounds by the middle of July I would have never believed you!

On another subject entirely, I know I talked about change in my last post and I still have a few things to say on the subject, but I haven't had the time or energy this week. I will try to finish that subject over the weekend.

Until tomorrow.....have a wonderful today!!

In Life the Only Thing Constant is Change

2010-07-01T16:06:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. Well, it's one day closer to my trip "home", and I am getting excited. I came in to work this morning with absolutely NO desire to work.

We've been experiencing tons of rain and cooler temperatures. (That is if you call 90° cool.) Although I love not feeling like I'm suffocating in 100° heat, I don't want to do anything when it's raining....except curl up with a good book, watch TV or surf the net.

One of my former bosses once told me "in life the only thing constant is change." At the time he spoke these words the bank I was working for was undergoing major changes. The bank was a state savings bank and it was in the process of merging with another bank owned by the same holding company. I didn't really understand the significance of his words at the time. I remember hearing the words, but I was more anxious about my job and what those changes would mean for me, instead of trying to comprehend the meaning of his words.

As I've gotten older (how much older I'm not saying) I've begun to understand the meaning behind his words. I never really gave this much thought until I began to realize how much my life has changed.

As we're all aware, our circumstances in life can change in an instant.

For example, on July 5th 1988, a good friend of mine got killed in a car wreck on his way to work. I was shocked! I couldn't believe he was gone. He was only in his twenties and left behind a 7 year old son. To this day, not a year goes by that I don't think about him and his entire family. In an instant their lives were changed.

Then on one cold day in December 2006 my family was moving back to Texas, and I was elated. The very next morning my father unexpectedly died. No warning. He just got up from bed and suddenly he was dead from a heart attack. The death of my father caught me completely off guard. In an instant he was gone, our lives changed forever.

In June 2008 , only 2 1/2 years after my father passed away, my brother-in-law died unexpectedly. He was only 44 years old at the time. In an instant my sister's life changed.

Although I've only written about negative change, our lives are constantly changed in positive ways, too.

Our lives changed dramatically when A was born. (That's an understatement!) When we moved to Texas everything changed in our lives. We lived in a small town in Oklahoma and now we live in the D/FW area of Texas. That was a huge change for all of us, but especially for J and A. J and I both had to find new jobs, a new school for A, a new congregation and a place to call home.

I'm sure you're wondering where I'm going with all of this. I know I have a tendency to go on endlessly.

Losing weight is about change. Losing weight changes not only our appearance, but often our attitudes. Our minds begin to learn how to deal with our problems instead of eating them away. We have to teach ourselves to deal with whatever problems we may be facing without turning to food for comfort. We have to change our habits and in some cases our entire lifestyles.

I am amazed at the changes I have begun to see in myself, not just my appearance, but in my attitude, as well.

I could go on and on, however I have decided to spare you for the moment. I will share some more about this later!! (I know you'll be sitting on the edge of your seat in expectation!)

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Please, Don't Make Me Cry for You

2010-06-30T15:58:00.004-05:00

Hey y'all. Happy Hump Day!! I'm happy this week is half over.....I'm excited at the thought of going "home" to Waco this weekend!! When we moved back to Texas in December 2006, I just knew I would travel back home more frequently. However, I just realized I haven't been "home" in a year. It was last year over the July 4th weekend since we've made the two hour trip south. Shameful I know!!

I can't wait to see all of my family and friends. I have seen my little sister and my brother a few times since I've been losing weight. They've both made a few trips up this way for various reasons and we've managed to meet a few times. However, this will be the first time I've had the chance to spend any real time with either of them in a long time.

In yesterdays post, I mentioned something I saw on my drive in to work on Friday morning. I wrote about something similar in my post The Woman in the Mirror. In that post I looked up in my rear view mirror and saw a morbidly obese woman, sitting in her car, minding her own business. She wasn't doing anything extraordinary at the time, yet her image is indelibly fixed in my memory. However, although this time what I witnessed is somewhat similar, on the other hand it's totally different.

Let me explain:

I was driving to work on Friday morning when I stole a glance at a red car sitting beside me at a light. Behind the wheel sat another morbidly obese woman. Nothing that unusual about that I know. For some reason, I found myself watching her. I was trying not to stare, but my gaze was drawn to her. Her large body appeared to barely fit behind the steering wheel. Her stomach looked like it was practically pressed against it, the fingers of her left hand gripped firmly around the wheel.

It suddenly dawned on me why I found myself continually looking in her direction. With her right hand she began to pick up what appeared to be, at least from my position, doughnuts off the seat next to her, and literally began shoving them into her mouth. After she finished chewing she wiped her hands and mouth with a napkin, so I assumed she was finished. The light then changed to green, so I pulled away from her. However, at the next light, her car pulled alongside me, again. This particular light is quite long, so my gaze began to drift in her direction. This time I had a front row seat to her feast. She was continually taking huge bites of food into her mouth, chewing, swallowing and repeating. I watched helplessly as she ate, what I'm guessing to be at least 4-6 doughnuts. All the while seemingly totally oblivious to the attention she was drawing from me. Then as the light changed green I pulled ahead of her never to see her again.

It was only as my car left hers trailing behind that I realized I was crying. Crazy, I know. Why on earth would I cry for a complete stranger, especially one that didn't appear to be looking for help?

I thought about this long and hard. Exactly why was I crying?

I was crying because I have been in her place. I've been morbidly obese for the majority of my life. For years I was squeezed behind the wheel of my car with my stomach barely leaving room to turn it. On numerous occasions I have sat in my car mindlessly cramming food into my mouth completely oblivious to the outside world.

If she is anything like me, she would have purchased at least 1 1/2 dozen doughnuts. I would have eaten at least six of the sugary confections on my way to wherever I was going. I would then proudly deliver the remaining dozen and receive praise from my co-workers, family, etc. for being "so thoughtful". I would smile and eat another one or two, depending on how many I bought that morning.

I was crying because it hurt me to watch, yet I was drawn to her like I had witnessed a bad accident. You know the kind I mean. The kind you know you shouldn't be looking at, yet you just can't bear to look away from.

I was crying because I wanted to reach out to her, to tell her it would be alright. I wanted to tell her I would help her deal with whatever was "eating" her at the time.

I was crying for a total stranger, but I have to admit, I was crying mainly for myself. I was crying because I didn't know why I had been so unhappy with myself that I thought I had to eat away my feelings and problems instead of screaming for help.

I was crying because I knew she was in the process of slowly killing herself and I couldn't do anything but watch in forced silence. I was crying because for years I was doing the same thing.

I was crying for all the wasted time I've so recklessly thrown away.

I was crying because for years I refused to open my eyes and really see what I was doing to myself, my husband and my son.

I was crying because when my doctor told me I was killing myself, I refused to take immediate action. Even when my doctor told me I was going to die, sooner rather than later, instead of trying to lose weight and get healthy I decided to accept my fate of an early death. When and why did I decide dying was an option?

I was crying out of fear that will be me again someday.

I was crying for everyone who is struggling with a weight issue, whether to lose or to maintain. I know how hard it is to stay positive and focused. I know how hard it is to be committed to a new way of life when our old bad habits are so deeply instilled in us.

Lastly, I was crying for everyone who has died or will die due to obesity related issues that could have been prevented.

So, I am now imploring all of you who may be struggling to lose weight and get healthy.....

PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME CRY FOR

YOU!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

45th Week Weigh-In - Pampering Myself

2010-06-29T14:14:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far. I know it's Tuesday, but for me it's like a Monday since I was home sick on Sunday and Monday. I feel really behind on things.

As you know, I had scheduled my celebratory manicure and pedicure this weekend. It was originally scheduled for Saturday afternoon, but my nail technician had to go out of town, so it was rescheduled for Friday evening. As I mentioned before, this was my first pedicure EVER. It felt absolutely wonderful!! I didn't know what I had been missing out on! I wasn't able to take pictures in the salon, but I've got a couple of the finished look. (These pictures were actually taken this morning....so they're at least 3 1/2 days old.)

OPI - I'm Indi-a Mood for Love

Wait....what's a picture of my mother's hands doing on my blog?

I wanted something that "popped" for my toes.

I went with this orangey color. It wasn't an OPI color, and I don't know the brand or name of the polish.

I really love it though!

On Saturday afternoon I went to visit, Margo, a friend of mine who sells Mary Kay. I got a facial and complete color makeover. She also did a paraffin wax treatment on my hands. I have such terribly dry skin, my hands usually look wrinkled and dry, but after the treatment they looked much better.

Last Thursday evening we went to visit J's aunt, Janice, who was undergoing major surgery on Friday morning. It was nice to get together with all of them. They only live about 15-20 minutes from us, but for some reason we never get together. J's parents came down from Oklahoma, so we got to visit with them, too.

The tantalizing smell of barbecue greeted us when they opened the front door. The family ate barbecue, beans, salad and dirty rice for dinner. I didn't give in to the many temptations, although I did indulge in one spoonful of the most delicious dessert. It was like a trifle. It had sugar free sponge cake, sugar free, fat free pudding, strawberries, bananas and blueberries. I think there was a little Cool Whip and possibly some triple sec. I will have to get the recipe from Janice and will share it in my blog...with her permission.

Now for the results of this weeks weigh-in:

I lost 1/2 pound this week bringing my total weight loss to 101.75 pounds. I currently weigh 245.25. Just 4.25 pounds to go to reach the halfway point in my journey. I am happy for a loss and will take whatever I can get. After the few gains I've experienced lately, I'm satisfied with a loss at all. This just also gives me hope for a big loss next week!!

Tomorrow I want to share something I experienced on my drive in to work last Friday. It was something that made me pause for a second and take a long, hard look at myself. But, that's a story for another day!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

44th Week Weigh-In - Finding Inspiration

2010-06-23T08:35:00.011-05:00

Hey y'all! I hope everyone is having a great week so far. This week promises to be another good week!

If you saw my post on Sunday you know my right knee gave out on me again and I was planning on taking a break from some of my exercising. Well, later that evening I decided to suck it up and at least try to see what I could do without putting too much strain on my knees.

I thought about my mother-in-law who suffers from osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and diabetes. (That's not a complete list of ailments.) She has never been obese or even really overweight for that matter. However, with age comes all of these illnesses and sicknesses due to the imperfection of our bodies and minds. In spite of everything she has to endure, she keeps pressing on. Even after she had knee replacement surgery (She's had both knees replaced.) she keeps pushing herself to keep moving.

J's parents, Larry & Shirlene in August 2008.

Then there was my mother. My mom died at the age of 58 due to some unknown type of cirrhosis of the liver. The official diagnosis was something they called "cryptogenic cirrhosis" to be exact. There were other issues facing her as well. She wanted a liver transplant from a live donor, and my sister, Melissa, was a match for her. However, mom was told she needed to lose some weight, while Melissa was told she needed to gain some weight. My mom had been overweight the majority of her adult life, although she never weighed as much as I did last summer. So, mom began losing weight. Nevertheless, she died before she was able to get the transplant.

My poor mother suffered a tremendous amount during the past few years of her life. She wasn't properly diagnosed until around October 1999 and lost her fight for life July 9, 2000.

During this time my mom was also suffering from back problems. The bottom three vertebrae in her spine were fused together. She was told this was hereditary and there was a great possibility this would be passed on to her children. She was told there was no cure. Her doctor was very blunt and told her she had three options.

Lose weight and exercise everyday.
Have a complete back operation.
End up in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

By the time of her death mom had lost a lot of weight. However, it was too late. We had to stand by helplessly (I say we, but I was in Oklahoma at the time, so didn't really see everything first hand.) as the disease took her from us way too soon! She only got to see my son one time in her life . (We went down to Waco the weekend before she died.)

During all this time, with all of her pain and suffering, my mom still managed to work full-time until the last few months of her life. She could have just sat back and gave up, but she didn't. She had every intention of getting up and baking my favorite pie, coconut cream, the weekend before she passed away. However, she was in too much pain and didn't have the energy. She was such a giving person, she actually asked me if I would be too upset if she didn't bake the pie for me. What a special lady she was! I miss her terribly even though it's been nearly ten years.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, these two special ladies I've had the pleasure to have in my life gave me the motivation I needed to push myself harder than I've pushed myself in a long time. I was in a lot of pain due to my knee problem, but decided to attempt to exercise in spite of the pain. I was not only able to finish the exercises, but as of last night I actually increased the amount and intensity of exercise!! So much so, that my muscles are actually sore today!! I was afraid I would make the situation worse, but I'm happy to report there is now hardly a twinge in my knee!

Now for the results of my 44th week weigh-in.......

I lost one pound! This brings my total weight loss to 101.25!! I currently weigh 245.75. Only 4.75 pounds left to reach the half way point of my journey!!!! WooHoo!! Yay me!!

I'm sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to share the story of the two special ladies in my life who continue to inspire me!! I hope their stories may inspire some of you, as well. When you feel like quitting or lack the confidence to try.....always remember what some people have to endure just to live life.

Thinking about what they have/had to endure makes me want to try harder to lose this weight permanently for myself, family and friends. I want to be around for a long, long time!!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful today!

Worn Out from Years of Obesity

2010-06-20T15:41:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! I hope everyone is having a great weekend. J made another fast trip to Oklahoma to pick up A from his grandparent's house last night. So, we got in bed really late or really early depending on how you look at it! Needless to say, I'm worn out today! I'm just happy they're home. Our house is way too quiet when A's gone! He's like a little comedian and always manages to keep us entertained.

While A was visiting his grandparent's last week, I used the free time I had in the evenings to try out some of the yoga and Pilate's exercises my doctor recently demonstrated for me. I managed to get through most of them fairly easily so on Friday night I decided to attempt some exercises I found on Exercise TV. Some of which were done on the floor on your knees. Those of you who've been reading my blog for awhile know about the issues I have with my knees. (They are worn out from years of obesity, plus the damage they received in a bad car wreck I was in at the age of 12.) Nevertheless, I got down on the floor and attempted to follow along with the beginner's exercises. I did pretty good at keeping up for the most part. I felt great after I was finished for the night and I slept like a rock.

Then it happened.....on Saturday night while J was gone, I was folding laundry and got up to let the dog out when my right knee gave out on me again! :-( I don't know if it was from the pressure of being down on my knees while exercising or if I just got up wrong out of my chair. I cried out loud when the pain shot through it which in turn excited the dog and made him hyper. I finally managed to let him outside while I stood by the door massaging my knee. Eventually he got tired of the 100° heat and came back in doors. I had to sit with my leg propped up for the rest of the evening. Putting any weight or pressure on it made it really hurt. I didn't get any exercise done last night or today. I am finally able to walk on it without too much pain, but I can't get up too fast and have to take it easy when going up and down the stairs.

It's a little frustrating to know I've lost 100 pounds, yet still have issues with my knees. I can only imagine how much longer they would have lasted carrying around all my extra weight. I'm sure losing weight has taken a lot of pressure off of all of my joints, but I was hoping by now my joints wouldn't still be giving out on me! I keep hoping when I finally get the rest of this weight off me my knees won't be giving out on me all the time!

I'm going to continue to take a break from any exercise involving my legs and knees for the next few days. However, I do plan to continue working out with my hand weights! I guess something is better than nothing!

I'm looking forward to my weigh-in this week. I am curious to see if being taken off my Atenolol has made a difference. I've taken my blood pressure several times this week and found it's still a little low. It's averaging about 96/64. However, my heart rate has risen from 58 to about 72. I would think with my heart rate up it would help me burn more calories. I guess I'll find out if it made a real difference tomorrow!

I hope all of you are having a fantastic weekend!

Until tomorrow....have a wonderful day!!