Weigh-in - New Pictures & You Are Not Alone

Hey y'all. People often ask me why I finally made the decision to do something about my weight. (LOL...tactful, huh?) I usually respond with something similar to the following: "I decided I didn't want to die. I have an 11 year old son who needs his mother, etc..."  When it comes to these types of questions, I usually don't say the following: "I decided to quit feeling sorry for myself.  I stopped making excuses for myself or looking for reasons why it wasn't possible for me to lose weight."
However, truth be told, all the above responses are accurate.  Personally, I often used excuses and feeling sorry for myself to validate myself.  I could always justify my behavior and weight with some excuse.  I was the Queen of Denial.  I was in denial that I was in effect committing suicide, albeit slow suicide, it was suicide still the same.  As my mother-in-law would say I had a permanent case of "the pitifuls."

Even as I began my weight loss journey in August 2009, I suffered from depression and "the pitifuls."  My eating habits were horrendous.  I never ate breakfast, and normally ate a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones for lunch along with a Yoplait Light Yogurt.  Doesn't sound too bad, right?  More than once a co-worker made a remark similar to the following: "I really don't understand why you're not losing weight.  You eat a low calorie lunch, and I never see you eat anything before or after lunchtime."  Of course, I agreed.  I never ate breakfast and rarely snacked between meals, so why was I consistently gaining weight?  Looking back on the way I was living my life prior to August 2009, I can now clearly see what was causing my weight to climb higher and higher with every year that passed.

While it's true I never ate breakfast (at least during the week), and I ate only a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones, and a yogurt at lunchtime (at least during the week), and I never snacked between meals (at least during the week).  I'm sure you can see the pattern.  During the weekdays I was good, however, at night and on the weekends I ate too many things that were unhealthy for me.  I lived on fast food, and I'm NOT talking about salads.  I loved eating FIVE piece fried chicken tenders, accompanied by huge, "Sonic-sized" fries, and Ched 'R' Peppers, along with two Ranch sauces from Sonic. This meal contains a total of 1570 calories and 94 grams of fat.  On most occasions I felt the need to add dessert to my feast, usually consisting of a large Oreo Cookie Blast with 1020 calories and 54 grams of fat or possibly a banana split with 490 calories and 18 grams of fat.  Also, another favorite was a Spicy Chicken Sandwich, large fries, large original Frosty, and a Diet Dr Pepper from Wendy's.  My typical meal from Wendy's contains a whopping 1650 calories and 63 grams of fat!  Considering the fact I ate this way almost every day, it's no wonder I weighed 347 pounds when I began my journey.  Looking back, I really have to wonder why I didn't weigh more than I did at the time, especially considering the fact I NEVER exercised.  I couldn't physically.  I could barely move, much less exercise.  In the mornings it was all I could do to shower, put on makeup and get dressed.  By the time I was finished with my morning routine, I was completely exhausted!

For years I suffered from major depression, I was depressed about my past, my present and my future.  I was depressed about life in general.  I had a permanent case of "the pitifuls."  After watching TV shows such as "The Biggest Loser," and reading various weight loss blogs, I realized I wasn't alone.  There are not many people in the world weighing 347+ pounds that haven't had some bad times in their life.  Whether it's suffering due to physical or emotional abuse,  the death of a loved one, financial problems, or some other difficult situation, we all have mountains to climb and hurdles to overcome.  I had extremely low self-esteem, I always felt unworthy and especially unloved.  Nevertheless, after a close self-examination in 2009 and some STRONG words from my family physician who repeatedly told me I was killing myself and going to die soon, I decided I wanted to live.  I began by deciding to commit myself to a lifestyle change. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been totally worth all of the hard work and effort.

Here's proof of what I'm talking about:

This picture was taken in December 2008. 

 I have a smile on my face, but if you take a close look there's a sadness in my eyes.  I was exhausted and tired all the time.  I had difficulty breathing, walking, and living.

Here I am today:

These pictures were taken on Tuesday, December 20,2011. 

I have a new light in my eyes, and I am loving life.  I no longer feel sorry for myself for whatever real or imagined things have occupied my mind for so long.  Even when things go wrong, which they often do, I can handle it without turning to food for comfort.  I am happy to be alive, and happy to have another day to show my family and friends how much they mean to me.  Even when I'm sick, like I have been the past two weeks, I feel a thousand times better than I did before my journey began.

What prompted this post today?  I have many beloved friends suffering due to depression from various causes.  Many of them are struggling to lose weight, too.  While I am not advocating weight loss to be a cure-all for depression, (I know it's not because I still suffer from depression, but I can deal with it a lot more effectively now.) I am saying losing weight will change your outlook on life.  It will give you self-confidence and when you feel better about yourself, you can't help but feel better about life in general.  I promise each and every one of you....if I can do it, you can, too. 

Now for the results of this week's weigh-in....

12/19/2011   (1.75)   154.00

I lost 1.75 pounds this week, bringing my total weight loss to 193 pounds!!  I currently weigh 154!  Less than 20 pounds to my goal!!  WooHoo!!  Yay, me!!

If someone had the nerve to tell me two years ago I would be almost 200 pounds lighter in 28 months, I would have NEVER believed them!

It is my sincere hope to inspire others out there who may be struggling to lose weight. It IS possible.  You CAN be successful.  I KNOW you CAN do it!!

XOXO,

Debbie