Weigh-In - Half the Woman I Used to Be

Hey y'all. Well, this week I have broken the Fat Chick cardinal rule. No, I didn't order a large pepperoni pizza and eat it all by myself....at least not recently! (Sorry, Pizza Hut! I know your business is suffering without my weekly business, but a chick's gotta do what a chick's gotta do!) This Fat Chick's cardinal rule is: "Never, ever wear sleeveless tops in public." However, rules are made to be broken and this week I have broken my rule not once, but three times!

I have so little self-confidence in my appearance that I have felt extremely uncomfortable wearing sleeveless shirts, but I've tried to ignore my feelings. I know I've lost a lot of weight, but I still feel fat! My arms are so white and flabby, I usually try to spare the masses my masses of loose, hanging skin.  However, this week I finally pushed my insecurities to the back of my mind and decided it's my right to bare arms! ;-)

Here's a few pictures of me this week, baring arms:

I wore this little top on Wednesday.  You can see my stretch marks, but I try not to think about them! Also, you can see I wasn't exaggerating about how white and flabby my arms are right now, but they're definitely better than they were two years ago when I began my journey!

Another picture from Wednesday's wardrobe.  I was thrilled with my top.  I found it at Macy's for $5.99!

This picture shows you how wide my hips and booty still are today!  My doctor keeps telling me I need to emphasize the majority of my workouts on this area.  Her exact words were, "I don't want you to lose any more weight on the top.  It's your bottom we need to focus on now." 

Note to the good doctor: I think my big booty has been the focus of everyone's attention since about the age of 5!  Now matter how much weight I lose, my bottom will never be the same size as my top!

A side shot of me....I definitely need a tan!

Another side shot.  I think some people have been shocked by the fact I've lost a tremendous amount of weight, started adding lots of color to my wardrobe, and have started showing more skin.  As my son, A, said recently, "Who are you?" 

This is what I wore today. I paid less than $12 for this little top, also from Macy's!  I LOVE that store!

Another side shot featuring my bare arms!

A front view from today.  My little, budding photographer, A, took all of these pictures of me this week! (Well, he's not exactly little.  He's almost as tall as me!)  I think he did a great job!

Now for the results of this week's weigh-in:

I lost 2.50 pounds this week!!!  WooHoo!!  Yay me!!!  I now weigh 173.50 pounds.  This week's 2.50 pound loss brings my total weight loss to 173.50 pounds.  I've really lost myself!!!  As the title of this post emphasizes, I'm half the woman I used to be.....literally!!!

Who would have ever believed when I started my journey on August 17, 2009, weighing 347 pounds, that in less than 2 years I could/would be half my size?  Not me, that's for sure!

I look at pictures taken of me prior to beginning my journey and compare them to pictures of me from today, and I still can't believe this is me. 

Almost daily, my mind echo's A's words to me, "Who are you?" 

 The answer to this burning question is I'm really not sure who I am right now.  I've been buried beneath so many layers of fat my entire life, that I have never really had the opportunity to find myself. 

I think I used my weight as a protective barrier from the world, and now that it is breaking down pound by pound I feel exposed.  It's both scary and exciting!  Every day I find myself wondering who I am because I feel completely different about myself since beginning my journey.  I not only look totally different, but I feel totally different, not only about myself, but about life in general.  I'm tired of living full of fear!  As I continue discovering myself, I refuse to let my insecurities and fear stop me from living and enjoying my life!!

It seems the more I expose myself to the world, the more I discover about myself.  I feel my old clouds of depression and fear slowly lifting, as if a dark veil is lifted from around my face and head.  Although I'm still not completely sure who I am, I plan to enjoy every minute of my self-discovery!!

Until tomorrow...have a wonderful today!!!